Written by Karin Kelly Transformation Coach
People cross my path on a daily basis, whether it be a coaching client, or just sitting in a coffee shop and hearing people talk around me, and let’s not forget social media feeds — so it’s inevitable that the “stress” of life, in one way or another is brought up, be it death of a loved one, divorce, loss of a job, increasing financial obligations, getting married, moving to a new home, suffering chronic illness or injury, and even political uncertainty — they are our major stressors in life.
I write as a transformation coach, but also from a personal perspective, as I have gone through 5 of the 7 main stressors — facing death, within the week of being told, was the major one for me.
“You don’t know if the roof is leaking unless you live on the inside.” We don’t know what is going on inside of others unless we ask and unless they tell. People don’t typically go around talking about their problems, depression, anxiety, sad thoughts, or self-loathing. They fear rejection or being a burden to their friends and families.
Over 7 billion people on the planet have a different fingerprint (wow it’s difficult getting your head around that), thus the concept of our energy is different from everyone else’s. Therefore, the way we deal with the main proven stressors is going to be dealt with differently by each and every individual. No Judgement, no blame!
I see a lot of loneliness, isolation, lack of connection, and judgement, in our world today. I believe this has a hand in our increased stress in our lives and in dealing with traumatising situations. Just knowing there are people to talk to and people who care in your world is a huge gift.
We live in very stressful times. Out of seemingly nowhere, an event takes hold of us and we are dealing with the unexpected messiness that comes with living. We also put a lot of expectations on ourselves.
Our society is set up such, where success, a person’s worth is looked at, what kind of job you have, how much money you have, what vehicle you drive, where you stay, and your social circle, to mention a few……everyone wants to be loved.
When we start to experience stress and anxiety, we know that we have crossed a boundary line. The basic root to stress and anxiety is that one thinks that things are not going to turn out well — and that is why we become anxious.
“I am never going to cure myself of my illness”
“I am never going to find another job in these times”
“How am I going to make this relationship work when the breakup rate is so high”
“What is my purpose”
“What am I going to do with my life”
What to do? Well the first thing is not to panic — it’s all part of the journey. You need to recognise and accept that you are not going to have it all figured out.
Secondly, accept where you find yourself and that there will always be uncertainty in your life. You don’t get to know it all. Just look at an artist and how they make decisions. To be artists they have to free themselves to make mistakes and go into unknown territory.
Thirdly, it doesn’t have to be perfect. People are not perfect.
Fourth is to truly have trust in life. When we expect the best out of life, in most cases that is what we attract. Have a fundamental belief that you are good enough. Love yourself, trust yourself and life, and know that you are good and worthy of it all. Many a time, stress and anxiety are fabricated by our minds. We worry so much and have so many unnecessary thoughts that we don’t even know which worry has taken root within ourselves. Leave ego alone.
Fifth, we do not get to go back. However, we do have the ability, through our thoughts and actions, to chart a course towards new opportunities.
Sixth is the sign you are not having fun in your life. You are stuck, or lost in your own consciousness and thoughts. Learn to be present and self-aware about the different elements that make up your personality — and see them without judgment. Take some time in your day to have some fun. Go stand in your garden or the beach and take in the beauty. Or have a conversation with a friend. Notice the beauty around you. Become self-aware about the beauty within yourself. When you’re self-aware you reduce the chances of being completely thrown by things that happen — and any wrong or inappropriate moves that you might make in response to those things happening.
Life is a journey towards something — it is not the destination.
Where we are going in life will most certainly be determined by how we think and act from this point on. Here we have absolute control.
When I work with transformation or healing and my client is so self-absorbed — their minds being full, and no light at the end of the tunnel, I tell them a story of fire. When there is a fire on a mountain for example, it is devastating, destructive and painful. When everything is burnt down to ash and nothing is left, a couple of days later what starts to show? New growth from the existing seed takes place. Change starts to take place. This gives you the perfect opportunity for reinvention (moving towards a destination). As much as the devastation seemed unbelievable, unconceivable by your thoughts, this now gives you a new concept, or new way of life, or whatever it is, to develop YOU. It gives you, YOU time — to look at your deeper layers of understanding of who you are and what you really want out of life, whether its divorce, change of job as mentioned in the beginning of the article.
My advice is then to start from the bottom like the new seed after the fire. Building yourself up by looking into your life, doing some introspection and contemplation and then seeing how being a victim to that circumstance actually doesn’t serve you. Nine out of ten times you will get the answer that it will not serve you
We have all the resources at our disposal — but we are not meant to do it alone. So next time talk to a trusted friend, family, a transformation coach, or psychologist, to name a few.