Category Archives: Debbie Jordaan

We are a mere memory in a Box by Deborah Jordaan

Good day to our loyal readers. Hope you are all well in these trying times we are going through. My article this month is about, “What happens to our material belongings when we die?”

All my stories come from personal experiences.

I have in my possession a few belongings of relatives. No one is fighting over it as it’s of no worth to them. If it were expensive jewellery or heirlooms that can be sold they would be here to fetch it.

It’s very sad that some relatives value you after your death for what you have left behind instead of missing the person that has passed on. Material possessions get sold if they have value and the deceased person is sometimes forgotten.

Yes we can go on with life but keep that person alive in memories of times gone by.

I have little notes my mom wrote. To some it would just be nonsensical but I have memories of my mom sitting watching cooking channels and writing notes of the recipes and she would try to make the meal and she made it so nice.

All of us have memories of loved ones and we should keep their quirky and wonderful things they did in our mind and to keep their stories alive in our children and grandchildren.

My grandchildren remember my mom and the little things she did for them and we talk about her to keep her alive in our memories.

Some families put the deceased person’s belongings in a box and it never is seen unless it gets sold. They amount the deceased person’s life to only a few belongings in a box-the few non valuable things left in the box are what people define the deceased as.

My cousin passed on in the beginning of the year and all they fought about was who is going to keep the ashes because some contributed more money than others.

Her belongings are with me and no one is bothered to look what her life was about from her hair dressing equipment to her poetry she wrote. That means nothing to them to see what she was about as a person.

All they remember is the bad times she went through, the mother she wasn’t to her son and that she was on pain tablets but they didn’t think she was in extreme pain because of her cancer-she didn’t share her tragedies with any of us.

None of them even know why she died. She was judged before death and still so after her death. Instead of remembering her for the bubbly person she was before her illness they only remember tragedy.

It’s so sad how things end that way.

Let’s hope when our time comes to become part of the universe that we will be remembered in love. Be grateful for now and that you are loved and cherished.

Be blessed.

Conjugal Wife versus The Other Woman By Deborah Jordaan

First of all welcome to our faithful readers. Without you we wouldnt have a platform to write our thoughts down and have it read. This month Im writing about women as it is women`s month after all. Let us start with the married woman that is separated from her husband and is still expected to give him pleasures when he expects it.

Ursula was a successful woman till she met someone that would take some of her worries off her shoulders. She already was a single mom with three kids when she met her second husband. Everything went well for a while but between her husbands job and sports activities things became difficult. Her white knight was developing an ego and she was left at home with the children and he was busy having a life. She started drinking to cope between hes affairs, long hours at work and hes sport. According to him she was invited but hes secretary was always the one accompanying him as her son was also playing soccer. How convenient for the secretary.

Their marriage was going down quickly because her husband was now having an affair with a corporate lady and still had the secretary stroking his ego at work so he didnt care coming home to a wife that was passed out already.

All Ursula did was drink and try to keep her sanity. Maybe she was also contributing to the mess but she had lost her fight. She was giving in to her circumstances. She had money, a car and credit cards but what was that if she was unhappy. Her mental illness started from childhood and through adulthood it didn`t get any better. Her husband was no help regarding her mental stability.

Ursula had to go to rehabilitation centres a few times which really put pressure on the marriage. The eventual outcome was that she was told to leave on her 50th birthday by her husband. He got her a place to stay but now and then if the current woman in hes life wasnt being nice to him he would call her up and go for some fun and return to hes girlfriend.

Hes words to her are that they are still married and so if hes got problems with hes current partner he knows where to go to get some fun because he says Ursula is easy-she never argues. He is currently in a relationship with Olivia for two years. Olivia had no idea that he was still married and that Ursula had to move back to the property due to financial reasons.

The couple cant get divorced as they will lose their property and company. Ursula has moved back to the property they own together though now there is no more sexual relationship between him and Ursula as Olivia wont allow it or he cant use Ursula as Olivia will know about it. Olivia will never know the truth. Olivia is trying to motivate Ursula to stand up to him and her pushy son as they all think she is hard up for them and that she cant make her own decisions.

People always judge the other woman but in this case and many others it is not the other woman who is at fault. In my opinion in this case its the husband that’s has created this big lie. Unfortunately Olivia is not able to move as she is not financially stable and cant support herself at this stage.

My conclusion is that Ursulas husband is controlling that situation but he didnt bank on the two woman becoming allies. I hope that the women in the same situation or worse can also have a strong minded woman in their life like Olivia who is able to help them. Be brave and know there is always someone out there to help you no matter how bad the situation seems.

Stature By Deborah Jordaan

Good day to the readers. I’m hoping you are all well in these trying times we find ourselves in. The article i will be writing of today is about women and the different levels of society we find ourselves in.

We get the hard working woman who no matter her affluence still works for what she has. On the other hand we have the deserving narcissistic woman who thinks that the world needs to bow down to her as she need not work for anything. Everything I write about comes from actual case studies. I ,in no way want to offend anyone at all but I would like to celebrate the female and her ways she copes and uses her cunning and manipulative ways to get her where she needs to be.

My first story is on an affluent lady. From birth she had a silver spoon in her mouth. Had the rich parents. Molly coddled to the ends of the earth but the mother didn’t make her life easy as her dad doted on her and whatever she wanted she got. That came at a price though. Her dad was an alcoholic and so eventually she would be the one pouring he’s drinks at a young age and sometimes helping him to bed as her mother was not accomodating -because of the fathers affairs she really didn’t care as long as she had the high life -she was happy. The father was a famous attorney so they lived the life till the day he walked out on them but they still had financial stability. As the years went by the young woman became a ballerina -went to art school because her father had the means to provide her with the money for all her wants. That in a way made her feel deserving of only good things. She didn’t know what normal people lived like. They had maids. Butler. In her mind everyone lived like that. As she grew up, moved and a divorce later she became a dancing instructor by day and prostitute by night – alcohol had became a big part of her life. Where was her stature then? She had hinted a few times to me quite subtly that abuse from her father perhaps or other men had damaged her. Explaining the alcohol abuse. Prostitution? Only she will know why she did that.

She met her second husband at dance class. He didn’t come from money, he worked hard for what he had. At the time they met he hadn’t realised she was an alcoholic. She put on quite a show to catch him as at that time she was struggling. Her three children had been removed from her custody, so a rich man was her way out. They married and had three children of their own but her drinking escalated. Money didn’t buy happiness and didn’t keep her husband faithful. Same scenario as her mother except she was the alcoholic. Her father taught her well. On her 50th birthday her husband told her to leave as she was in and out of rehabillitation centres and he was looking after he’s sons with two maids in her presence and a driver for the children as she was drunk most of the time so she wasn’t needed. He still took care of her financially and sometimes she did her wifely duties even though he was with someone else. He eventually met someone that got him on the straight road to a normal relationship even though the two are still married as divorcing would cost both a great loss of money. She lives separately on their property to him and he’s current partner and has still got the princess mentality as I call it, hoping if she does what’s expected he will take her back as he has done many times before. She will suffer before she decides for herself that no money is worth the situation she is living in now. So to me she is suffering a form of abuse from him and he has suffered abuse from her when she couldn’t be a mother and wife. So both her father and the husband molly coddled her to the point that she did’nt know any better and still does’nt. She just accepts circumstances as long as money and stature are involved. She has no work experience except dancing as being privileged she never really needed to work, only when it was really necessary and that was a few years of dance classes. She now has some money of her own but tells her husband her name is on the marriage certificate so he will pay her even though they have been separated for twelve years.

Can’t we all just sit back and expect to be deserving – though we do nothing for it? My next story is of the hard working mother whether she is single or with someone. This woman knows nothing but work whether it be at home or physically going to work, from an executive to a prostitute. They can’t be judged. All they know is to survive and sometimes they still have the bad luck of either living with or seeing someone that is abusive to them. This woman sometimes has no choice in her mind. She takes the abuse for the childrens sake so they can have a roof over their heads. In the end it comes at a high price. The woman is damaged – needs therapy. The children grow up expecting the same from life but luckily some children break their mothers curse and live successful lives. The hard working woman feels there is no way out but there is if she would stop and think her plan through. Yes leaving an abusive situation might hurt her financially but in the end her and her children will start to heal when away from the bad situation.

Us woman must think who our elders were and what they had to go through to survive. We need to pick ourselves up and be strong. Yes sometimes it seems so hopeless but I’m a survivor of being raped by my husband and being told I can’t do anything as we are married. My situation damaged my children but we made it. Seventeen long years of abuse. rape, being beaten and mental abuse came to an end by my own courage. It was’nt easy after the divorce either as I really suffered mentally. I self mutilated, tried to hang myself and overdosed with my medicine more times than I can imagine but I made it. Fifteen years of therapy and still going strong. I even have the empathy in me to phone my ex husband sometimes and ask how he is doing as he’s health is not good. If I did’nt heal I would have wished him dead. I want to show my daughters there is life after abuse. I didn’t know what molly coddling was growing up or in a relationship so next time you ladies want to complain about not being able to do your nails or hair and that the maid didn’t come in today – think of that poor woman suffering just to get by mentally because of her situation. Lets stand together as women and be supportive no matter what your stature is. We all fight battles and with support we can overcome -then maybe these killings of women will come to an end too. Stand together and fight. If you set aside stature, race and ego we can do great things among us women.

The views expressed in my story aren’t aimed at a specific person it’s just things I hear and of course personal experience. Hopefully by reading this I’m helping someone find the courage to stand up and say ,”ENOUGH!”

Parental Abuse by Debbie Jordaan

It’s a subject very few people talk about. What I’m going to write about is based on experience from friends and family members and of my times as a carer. The way children treat their parents.
When I look at it I see that if children were brought up with a deserving mentality they as adults demand from the parent but little do they realise they have to work for what they want. A parent works for something their whole life and these deserving children want without any idea of what their parent went through to get what they have.

man in brown jacket sitting on chair in front of fruit stand

As a person gets older they want less drama and responsibility and in swoops this child that thinks they are going to grab the opportunity to control the parent and whatever else. A business for instance. They forget it took the parent years to get the business to success and they start telling the parent what the said parent needs. First of all the child changes everything, disregards the needs of the workers and demands respect all of a sudden. Then him and he’s wife try to control the father and he’s daily living withholding he’s own money from him. The father thought he’s doing a good thing by letting he’s son take over.
I grew up being taught that you work for what you want or you work for what you get. I taught my two daughters as many things as I could which my mum had taught me. It’s trivial what it is you are working for just do it as no one else should be doing it for you if you are able bodied.

 

bills capital cash cent

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Another case study is of a mother that gives her all to her children to the maximum and beyond. She is going through financial problems now and her glorified children two adults that don’t work tell her she’s not good enough she can’t even take care of them. Okay so they have both worked before, had children that my friend is taking care of because they say she’s not a good enough grandma. Okay so who made those grand-kids? The daughter calls her mother a whore and a useless parent and she wishes her mother aborted. That to me is mental abuse.
Then you get a mother who lives with her son and he tells her what to do daily. If he says no she just agrees. Is he hitting her or is it just the fact that she is elderly and has lost her fight. Like some children he has nothing. He sold her things for drugs and he’s sibling is also a drug addict. The mother molly coddles them yet her other son runs he’s departed fathers business. He has sober habits and good values. Where did it all go wrong?
As people get older their children want to dictate as I’m sure their only thought is if their parents have assets that they have to keep an eye on the parent in case they spend the money then they have nothing to inherit. Now on the flip side there are wonderful children out there. They take care of their parents. They give back what was given to them. Wish my mom were still alive. I’d die for her. So where does the problem lie? Is it the parents fault for molly coddling the children or is it the child who has a deserving mentality?
In conclusion my opinion is that we as parents must think before spoiling the children to the point that they becoming deserving human beings. We love our children but maybe by teaching them good moral values and work for what you want our future leaders just might be worth their weight in gold.
Be safe and be blessed.

Mother Nature by Debbie Jordaan

Good day to all our readers. Regular readers and new readers. Without you our thoughts would be exactly just what they are.

With the world being on lockdown we all try to stay sane by practicing our religions and try fill the time with things we never get the chance to do. We all have different religious views and values but I think we can all agree on the fact that Mother Nature has found a way to regenerate herself as the world is over populated and the damage done to her by humans is reprehensible. Mother Nature doesn’t ask to be praised – She asks to be respected.

deb mother natureEvery day we are destroying Earth and not noticing the extremities of our actions. Looking back at history one wonders how civilizations just got destroyed? I don’t think we need to wonder much – Mother Nature took control. Look at the damage being done to oceans, over fishing and pollution. That’s just the oceans not even to speak about the land. There are people trying to restore the Earth but it’s a drop in the bucket because as they are try to fix things the other people are destroying vegetation. Some people need to be educated on over population worldwide as their cultures say that the more children they have the more blessed they will be. This over population is causing famine and droughts leaving countries in extreme poverty. If they were properly educated on the levels of poverty caused by their cultures and think logically maybe they would opt for contraception as many don’t believe in that.

deb natureEducation is key to conservation of this beautiful Earth of ours. If every human did their part even the simple things like not littering Mother Nature would reward us with more abundance. We as humans are here to look after Earth so our children have a future but at the rate it’s going there will be no future as greed and uneducated humans destroy our beautiful planet. Nature doesn’t care. As civilizations die out vegetation keeps on growing, animals take over from where they came. Respect is earned and we as Humans has disappointed Mother Nature. She is showing us, her children – that we have failed her by natural disasters and disease.

Let’s become more respectful of one another and of Earth then there might just be a future for our next generations.

PEACE AND WELL – BEING TO ALL.

Relationships Defined By Bipolar by Debbie Jordaan

A warm welcome to our regular readers and hello to our new readers. Hope the articles on the site inspire and motivate you. This month I’d like to talk about how my bipolar has affected my personal relationships in my life and my journey to a functional relationship at my ripe old age of 47.

DEB

I’ve had bipolar since a child but never realised that till I got into adulthood. My relationship with my mom was difficult but all she tried to do was show me that I was not to settle for less. My ex husband was my way out when I was younger to get away from my mom but of course getting divorced proved that it was not my best plan – I at least got to become a mom myself. Never regretted my daughters.

As I went through my life I met some men that verbally abused me, messed me up even more than I already was. The only best friend I had was my best friend I had known since I was five years old. He was married at the time so we did’nt try any relationship. He separated from he’s wife so we thought we would give being a couple a chance. We got it right for three years till I started freaking out and having bad bipolar episodes. I was in a downward spiral and he could’nt deal with it. He found someone to talk to and who was he’s comfort zone in he’s chaos with me.

I can’t blame only him for our downfall and him having an affair with the lady. It eventually ended up that we just let go and parted. Took me a while to get over as he was my dream man even when I was married he was always the one that got away. My expectations were obviously far fetched regarding him Id say. Lesson learnt there – best friends aren’t always destined to be lovers or to be married.

SAMSUNG CSC​I always sent out into the universe that I would like to meet someone older than myself and an intelligent person. Intelligence is more appealing to me than a muscular body. Looks can’t keep your mind captivated. The universe answered me a few years ago. I met a wonderful man. Intelligent, wise and very understanding. He is well read and keeps me captivated every time he speaks, the rest definitely followed at a slow pace. This time I tried to get it right. He gets my bipolar – he understands my psychological mind and always has good advice which I follow often. We have our moments but we are a couple in the process of discovering each other’s ways and quirks.

Thank you for giving me the chance to tell you about my life. Be blessed by the universe and may other nature take care of you.

Motherhood and Letting Go by Debbie Jordaan

Hello everyone and welcome to the new readers to this wonderful site. This month the Universe tested me to the extreme and beyond – As a mother, Partner and Human being. With all that is happening to our planet right now I’m hoping my article can take you away from your own thoughts for a while.

debbie photoBeing a mom of two girls is sometimes trying as I worry about them constantly though they are adults and living their lives. As a mother you get intertwined in their lives and sometimes forget that you once were young and also didn’t take your moms advice.

My one daughter is diabetic and many more complications – mommy of two beautiful souls – my two grandsons. She is the best mommy she can be in her health situation – though her extended family make her life hell and as it’s her husband’s family I can’t really intervene and defend my daughter as she tells me she will sort them out. So all I can do is be there for her in an unbiased way to prevent any further problems.

My other daughter is a career driven young lady and is going through some soul searching. I really like her partner – as she is my child and all I can do is love her and listen to her no matter where the road takes her. My wish for her is that she achieves the best she can be and strive for happiness. She is elusive and chooses not to share her trials in life. The only time she shares anything with me is if she has already decided what to do. Her happiness is all that matters to me.

SAMSUNG CSC​Sometimes being a partner is difficult as he is needy and I’m so used to being left to my own choices and devices. Needy in a good way and I still get the freedom I need and time to give to others that also need me. He accommodates my religious beliefs and my bipolar without judgement.

My bipolar has had a field day this month as well so at any given time when I feel like doing anything I’m happy and content even if it is for a short while. I have to be strong as no one else is going to do it for me. We are in control of our own emotions and avoid people that make us feel like we are worth less than how we should be feeling. So letting go of toxic people is the best strategy for anyone.

The universe has tested me for a reason and no matter what I’m always grateful for what I have no matter the situation. I have abundance of people that love me and I am content with what I have. Thank you mother earth for your abundance of beautiful souls in my life.

My Journey by Debbie Jordaan

Everyone here knows I suffer from bipolar disorder,so my spirituality has a lot to do with to get me through my dark days.Autumn Flower
In this time I’ve been off the blog I’ve been going through a difficult time in relationships and my mental state has been taking a toll on my day to day activities.
I have the privilege of writing for the blog again so there’s definitely a light in my soul.
I have recently had a relationship break up of 6 years. He left with no explanation – my depression went into overdrive.
I felt a pull toward Hinduism, especially Ganesha. I’m not becoming a Hindu but the peaceful nature of this religion gets me through my hard times.
When I stopped writing my mind was in turmoil but getting back to poetry and surrounding myself with my precious stones and dream catchers has brought me back to myself.
I’m currently living on a farm in the Vaal area so tranquility is a step outside the back door. I’m not a cat person but I’m caring for the owners cat and the cat is more dog as it allows me to train it. So I think I was an Egyptian in a previous life.
I’m off- but thank you once again for allowing me to write for you.
Debbie