About Expectations

Written by Olivia Britz

I’ve come to learn that a lot of my life has been filled with junk from the past and past mistakes of parents and societies rules …which for the most do not make sense.

My writings are about honesty. This is my brand or trademark or whatever you wish to call it.

This morning I would like to put a topic close to my heart on the writing board. A topic about your own bedroom / separate bedrooms in marital relationships. Taboo or happiness? Now take me for example. I am the youngest of 7 …and grew up always sharing a bedroom; then out of my parent’s home to live with my boyfriend who I married and have since divorced. No bedroom of my own.

In the course of our marriage, I started to broach the subject of my own bedroom. My reasons were logical. I simply wanted my own room to decorate the way I wished. I wanted space…I am a light sleeper while he snores and sleeps heavily. I wanted a place I could go to comfortably and safely with my thoughts if we had disagreements. I wanted a space to recharge. All these logical reasons were met with Disdain at the very thought of such an impossibility and my own impossible nature as a wife. I was not heard.

Come many years later I moved to another city with the children for school and finally an opportunity to have my own bedroom. As the years went by that we lived apart I came to realize…how very important that wish was to me; as I valued my space to be able to close the door to my room…

And I wander and ask myself …men and women alike why do we box ourselves? Now you may ask since I am now divorced…is this something that may have made a positive difference in our marriage? I cannot say if I would have stayed married …but I can say with absolute clarity that it would have saved many arguments and resentments and exhaustion and irritability.

I was often tired from having had a bad night. I was irritable because many a night he would come to bed just as I fell asleep. And many a night too that I had to go to sleep because he came to bed and the bedside light was a disturbance.

In conclusion other than the issues we had…I was an exhausted human being. From lack of proper sleep. Simple as that.

I ask myself why we remain bonded to and bound by rules which do not work for our relationships.

For those of you who are blessed to be Still married…listen to the sounds of the little problems.

Stay blessed

The Squirrel that Went for Lunch

Written by Olivia Britz

Once upon a time, there was a squirrel called Olive who loved adventure and roaming and finding new places. One fine summer afternoon, Olive decided to go for lunch along the river and she scurried through the lush Winelands, through the big trees, and along the pebbled pathway to the restaurant along the river.

The forest was cool and fine and she laughed as she dashed from tree to tree, up and down feeling vibrant.

Olive had dressed up for this special occasion in her best wear and she felt frivolous and excited. As she approached the restaurant she could hear the rippling sounds of the flowing water.

When she arrived, she was welcomed and seated along the river, what a sight to behold her joyous spirit. Clean flowing water…shade beneath the trees…rocks in the water for her to jump along. Just enough sunshine peeping through the trees accompanied by a soft breeze.

She laughed to her heart’s delight as she gazed upon the wonders of nature.
What a gem of a find was this day out for lunch.

City Lunch with Squirrel
Squirrel woke up one fine Saturday morning with a thrilled heart and excitement pumping through her veins as she had a planned luncheon in town with some of her very favourite family members.

She had had a restful night after a busy day and was very excited about her excursion into the City.

After waking up she treated herself to some milk and chocolate biscuits. The morning was already warm and welcoming as she opened up her perfect little treetop house and let in the fresh air and sunshine.

She bustled about getting ready for her journey. It would be quite busy on the roads, it being a Saturday morning and all. This would not be a carefree forest excursion, she would need her wits about her and to exercise great caution on this trip.

She dressed smartly in comfortable but smart attire. What a day ahead was planned, entertaining with the family and eating good food and special bread pudding dessert that she was taking along in her picnic basket.

The ride into the City was hustle and hassle-free and she reached there in good time.
The Squirrel family and friends were delighted to see each other and shared their many stories of the week. One squirrel had some newly acquired paintings which she enthusiastically showed to the others in her cosy bedroom.

They spent a joyous relaxing afternoon eating delicious food and playing games galore.

All too soon it was time for Squirrel to take her ride back home, curl up on her bed with a good book and an afternoon nap.

Being Olivia

Written by Olivia Britz

In my recent state of singledom (if there is such a word) I am coming to find out some things about myself that either I did not know…or are brand new…or I had long forgotten. I find my love of love stories and take time to read every day. I find that I am able to find some peace in spending time on my own in my little tree top apartment as I call it.

Divorce does not frighten me nor does it anger me and the bitterness I carried for so many years has evaporated. It almost feels surreal.

My thoughts about my life and experiences have compassion for myself and indeed for my ex-husband. A compassion for what we both went through as a couple raising four children mostly on our own and helping out with parents and extended family. We had a lot of responsibilities and not enough time to nurture our own love.

In my freedom came the ability to see and as I lie in bed (unusual for me for a Friday afternoon at 3:30pm) I am delighted to say that I feel great.

I wish to share my new found knowledge with others in despair because I never believed I would be here one day. Content. Able to be still.

I am being Olivia and being my authentic self is all that matters.

The Clarity of Sobriety

Written by Olivia Britz

I never thought of myself as someone who had hangovers…in fact, I carried this with great pride after many a night of drinking too much and waking up the next day able to function feel good and do the needful. I still believe this is true albeit that I now think my body must have been soaked in alcohol.

As I write this please believe me that I’m not ready to give up alcohol entirely. I never made this my goal. I am working on building a healthy relationship with alcohol. My drink…my darling.

It’s been almost two weeks of discipline and dedication. Of choices each and every day when I walk into the house from work to not go pour a drink immediately and more so sometimes not at all. To fill those alcohol moments with another friend…for now, it’s my books. I simply read more.

Today…another Sunday I feel something new. Clarity. I don’t have to worry if I drank too much because I know I didn’t…for days now I have not. I don’t have to worry if I said something wrong…by mistake or on purpose. I am clear about yesterday. The day before and days before. I am safe. I don’t have to feel bad about forgotten moments or conversations.

And that for me is remarkable today. I have been thoroughly present and it’s growing on me. So little by little I will take my control back. And smile because I feel so good about myself. For today.

Thank you to my person Silvinia for the support 🙏 and encouragement

My Saturday Without 🍸 Alcohol

Written by Olivia Britz

I don’t remember a Saturday certainly that I did not have alcohol. For the most… I may have a glass too much even if I don’t get drunk but this Saturday I was on a journey to stop this habit of drinking and to take back my life without turning to alcohol to fill my time.

What came out of the day for me…for one there was so much peace and awareness of each moment of the day starting out with an hour yoga class. It seems there are more hours in a day without alcohol. Plans were certain and clear. I went to the shops and got things for the house. I went for lunch and had lemonade it was actually way more delicious than a glass of wine which I’d have usually had instead.

There was no way my temper could flare up and no way my mood could change and I felt more content and relaxed than I imagined I would. So I continued this for the day. At the Bottle Store, I got orange juice and soda water and non-alcoholic savanna.

At home, I sat in my room and read my novel. Temperament was calm…not having alcohol wasn’t so bad. I had good conversations and I felt so good about myself and even in moments of sadness, I was able to simply take each moment for what it is and not be morbid in my headspace filled with evil thoughts and insecurities about untruths.

I thought about a lot of things. It was so much easier to be present and kind and compassionate. Was alcohol actually for the most an irritant to me despite what I think?

I Learnt

Written by Olivia Britz

Do not allow anyone to steal that which you value. Do not allow anyone to cloud your thoughts about anyone or anything. Lean hard on your heart’s honesty and learn to discipline the mind for it is the mind and not the heart which causes us the hurt. The heart is the true centre being of love. Do what makes your heart happy. Spend time tending to your heart so that it may be your own happy space and place.

Seek comfort in the Lord, spend time with God and look out for the signs of the life that God wants for you. Do not chase after man and material things, instead find the glory that God has provided and seek refuge in that.

Give no power to man to control your happiness and your moods.

Stand firm like an oak and do not flutter in the breeze by an opinion of one who does not know the true content of your heart.

Become strong and exercise your own discernment. Be your true self, self-reflect and grow strong in the perfect soul that you are – loved exactly as you are.

Be okay with that, while growing to love yourself each day.

Legos of Love

Written by Olivia Britz

This morning I woke with an ache in my heart and awareness of all that has been lost this year and I was not sure if I was sad to stay in bed or sad because I had to get out. I was simply sad and heavy…the dreaded feeling which sometimes overcomes me and I wondered what sad article I would write today.

Six hours later I sit and write and this is what I have decided to share. As my day progressed and as I saw what had been put in front of me, it became more and more clear that choosing to be down or sad has somewhat become a habitual pattern. Yet with the help of positivity around me right from doing my nails, to my eyebrows, to a kind voice note, to a well-written article shared by a friend on happiness and to a thoughtful article sent by another…I started to smile.

And I started to choose to be content with this day. I stopped worrying about money. And focused on my beautiful children and my good health. I started to see that I could make my life worth it and I could and would choose to be content with this day.

Thursday 16th December.
We are all going through different things and this year – 2021 – has been a hard year for our family. We have had tragic losses, not just one, but more and all these losses have been close to our hearts and changed our lives forever. The losses have included our beautiful 21-year-old nephew and cousin who took his life on 14th February 2021, a loss from which we will never recover nor heal. The loss of this beautiful boy will simply become part of who we are.

Yet I will smile because I can and I will be grateful because I must. We have this moment and our life is this moment here and now. I will take the lessons of 2021 and I will embrace those close to me and hold them dear each second we spend together. Less time on my phone. More time listening. More time in the presence of whoever I am spending time with at any given place. Less time worrying about money. More time letting go, praying and letting God. I cannot carry it all on my own.

I will savour my peace. I will embrace those times when I am genuinely happy and content and filled with JOY and I will collect these like pieces of lego to build a beautiful life full of positivity which I will share with each and everyone I come across.

As we end 2021, I hold onto my Legos of love and peace and let go of the aches.