I never thought of myself as someone who had hangovers…in fact, I carried this with great pride after many a night of drinking too much and waking up the next day able to function feel good and do the needful. I still believe this is true albeit that I now think my body must have been soaked in alcohol.
As I write this please believe me that I’m not ready to give up alcohol entirely. I never made this my goal. I am working on building a healthy relationship with alcohol. My drink…my darling.
It’s been almost two weeks of discipline and dedication. Of choices each and every day when I walk into the house from work to not go pour a drink immediately and more so sometimes not at all. To fill those alcohol moments with another friend…for now, it’s my books. I simply read more.
Today…another Sunday I feel something new. Clarity. I don’t have to worry if I drank too much because I know I didn’t…for days now I have not. I don’t have to worry if I said something wrong…by mistake or on purpose. I am clear about yesterday. The day before and days before. I am safe. I don’t have to feel bad about forgotten moments or conversations.
And that for me is remarkable today. I have been thoroughly present and it’s growing on me. So little by little I will take my control back. And smile because I feel so good about myself. For today.
Thank you to my person Silvinia for the support 🙏 and encouragement
I don’t remember a Saturday certainly that I did not have alcohol. For the most… I may have a glass too much even if I don’t get drunk but this Saturday I was on a journey to stop this habit of drinking and to take back my life without turning to alcohol to fill my time.
What came out of the day for me…for one there was so much peace and awareness of each moment of the day starting out with an hour yoga class. It seems there are more hours in a day without alcohol. Plans were certain and clear. I went to the shops and got things for the house. I went for lunch and had lemonade it was actually way more delicious than a glass of wine which I’d have usually had instead.
There was no way my temper could flare up and no way my mood could change and I felt more content and relaxed than I imagined I would. So I continued this for the day. At the Bottle Store, I got orange juice and soda water and non-alcoholic savanna.
At home, I sat in my room and read my novel. Temperament was calm…not having alcohol wasn’t so bad. I had good conversations and I felt so good about myself and even in moments of sadness, I was able to simply take each moment for what it is and not be morbid in my headspace filled with evil thoughts and insecurities about untruths.
I thought about a lot of things. It was so much easier to be present and kind and compassionate. Was alcohol actually for the most an irritant to me despite what I think?
Good day to the readers. I’m hoping you are all well in these trying times we find ourselves in. The article i will be writing of today is about women and the different levels of society we find ourselves in.
We get the hard working woman who no matter her affluence still works for what she has. On the other hand we have the deserving narcissistic woman who thinks that the world needs to bow down to her as she need not work for anything. Everything I write about comes from actual case studies. I ,in no way want to offend anyone at all but I would like to celebrate the female and her ways she copes and uses her cunning and manipulative ways to get her where she needs to be.
My first story is on an affluent lady. From birth she had a silver spoon in her mouth. Had the rich parents. Molly coddled to the ends of the earth but the mother didn’t make her life easy as her dad doted on her and whatever she wanted she got. That came at a price though. Her dad was an alcoholic and so eventually she would be the one pouring he’s drinks at a young age and sometimes helping him to bed as her mother was not accomodating -because of the fathers affairs she really didn’t care as long as she had the high life -she was happy. The father was a famous attorney so they lived the life till the day he walked out on them but they still had financial stability. As the years went by the young woman became a ballerina -went to art school because her father had the means to provide her with the money for all her wants. That in a way made her feel deserving of only good things. She didn’t know what normal people lived like. They had maids. Butler. In her mind everyone lived like that. As she grew up, moved and a divorce later she became a dancing instructor by day and prostitute by night – alcohol had became a big part of her life. Where was her stature then? She had hinted a few times to me quite subtly that abuse from her father perhaps or other men had damaged her. Explaining the alcohol abuse. Prostitution? Only she will know why she did that.
She met her second husband at dance class. He didn’t come from money, he worked hard for what he had. At the time they met he hadn’t realised she was an alcoholic. She put on quite a show to catch him as at that time she was struggling. Her three children had been removed from her custody, so a rich man was her way out. They married and had three children of their own but her drinking escalated. Money didn’t buy happiness and didn’t keep her husband faithful. Same scenario as her mother except she was the alcoholic. Her father taught her well. On her 50th birthday her husband told her to leave as she was in and out of rehabillitation centres and he was looking after he’s sons with two maids in her presence and a driver for the children as she was drunk most of the time so she wasn’t needed. He still took care of her financially and sometimes she did her wifely duties even though he was with someone else. He eventually met someone that got him on the straight road to a normal relationship even though the two are still married as divorcing would cost both a great loss of money. She lives separately on their property to him and he’s current partner and has still got the princess mentality as I call it, hoping if she does what’s expected he will take her back as he has done many times before. She will suffer before she decides for herself that no money is worth the situation she is living in now. So to me she is suffering a form of abuse from him and he has suffered abuse from her when she couldn’t be a mother and wife. So both her father and the husband molly coddled her to the point that she did’nt know any better and still does’nt. She just accepts circumstances as long as money and stature are involved. She has no work experience except dancing as being privileged she never really needed to work, only when it was really necessary and that was a few years of dance classes. She now has some money of her own but tells her husband her name is on the marriage certificate so he will pay her even though they have been separated for twelve years.
Can’t we all just sit back and expect to be deserving – though we do nothing for it? My next story is of the hard working mother whether she is single or with someone. This woman knows nothing but work whether it be at home or physically going to work, from an executive to a prostitute. They can’t be judged. All they know is to survive and sometimes they still have the bad luck of either living with or seeing someone that is abusive to them. This woman sometimes has no choice in her mind. She takes the abuse for the childrens sake so they can have a roof over their heads. In the end it comes at a high price. The woman is damaged – needs therapy. The children grow up expecting the same from life but luckily some children break their mothers curse and live successful lives. The hard working woman feels there is no way out but there is if she would stop and think her plan through. Yes leaving an abusive situation might hurt her financially but in the end her and her children will start to heal when away from the bad situation.
Us woman must think who our elders were and what they had to go through to survive. We need to pick ourselves up and be strong. Yes sometimes it seems so hopeless but I’m a survivor of being raped by my husband and being told I can’t do anything as we are married. My situation damaged my children but we made it. Seventeen long years of abuse. rape, being beaten and mental abuse came to an end by my own courage. It was’nt easy after the divorce either as I really suffered mentally. I self mutilated, tried to hang myself and overdosed with my medicine more times than I can imagine but I made it. Fifteen years of therapy and still going strong. I even have the empathy in me to phone my ex husband sometimes and ask how he is doing as he’s health is not good. If I did’nt heal I would have wished him dead. I want to show my daughters there is life after abuse. I didn’t know what molly coddling was growing up or in a relationship so next time you ladies want to complain about not being able to do your nails or hair and that the maid didn’t come in today – think of that poor woman suffering just to get by mentally because of her situation. Lets stand together as women and be supportive no matter what your stature is. We all fight battles and with support we can overcome -then maybe these killings of women will come to an end too. Stand together and fight. If you set aside stature, race and ego we can do great things among us women.
The views expressed in my story aren’t aimed at a specific person it’s just things I hear and of course personal experience. Hopefully by reading this I’m helping someone find the courage to stand up and say ,”ENOUGH!”
From the Pen of ... 