Good day, beautiful souls. As usual, I hope you are well and being blessed every day. Today I am going to write about baby humans and baby animals, they don`t stay small – they grow up.
I wrote in a previous article about handbag dogs. To my horror, I got asked to babysit a handbag dog.
This is where my subject matter starts. We all love baby animals, puppies and kittens. Beware, people, they grow up and behave the way we program them. They get born all fluffy and cute and when they are big some humans either give them away or dump them. How disgusting. Imagine your mum gave birth to you and dumped you in the nearest bin when you start crawling and walking.
The human is strange, they love the idea of cuteness and when that idea is gone they get bored with the said animal.
Animals have feelings and as with our children no matter how old they get they will always need us and in return when the children are out of the home the dog or cat is your companion. They give you loyalty and love and in return, all they ask for is love, food and water and an occasional outfit.
As I said the human gets bored so when his child grows up he has to keep the child it`s not something he can dispose of. So if you are financially stable you get a nanny even though you may be a housewife, which is strange to me.
Is going to pilates and the mall more important than spending precious time with your child? Of course, some parents need help as they both work and have hectic lives, not all people can afford nannies and they have to depend on friends and family in their community. Yet still, they find time for their children.
Money can buy basically anything but it cant fix the emotional pain the animal is going through when you- the human dont want them anymore.
A child or animal behaviour is based on what they were taught at an early stage.
In general, human being is destructive and gets rid of what they dont need. Yes some people leave the children by their parents as its in their culture the elders take care of them. Each to his own philosophy.
Sometimes single parents need help plus they add animals to the mix, hell no. Life is busy enough, so when you bring any animal into your life make sure it`s not just temporary as the children and dog start forming a bond and they in turn protect the children and you.
Cuteness comes with a price. If it`s a woman, remember she gets old and wrinkly but so do you sir, you don’t stay Brad Pitt forever.
Nee boetie dis nie hoe die lewe loop nie
I am not wanting to insult anyone but hopefully shed some light on these situations.
I myself had my daughter live with family but that was due to my husband abusing me, but that`s a story for another day.
Stay warm and toasty, hopefully with a cup of milo and homemade biscuits.
The first aspect of our behaviour in this post has to do with turning a blind eye which I derive mainly from an interesting book I read last week entitled: Wilful Blindness. Written by researcher and businesswoman Margaret Heffernan. The book was first published in 2011 and has been updated and reprinted several times.
The book is about how we tend to look away if a certain situation doesn’t feel right to us, is uncomfortable, disturbs our peace of mind, can be financially threatening, gets in the way of our ego etc. We just don’t like change, we prefer the situation as it is. Numerous examples are described in the book, based on carefully conducted scientific research, with all references at the back of the book.
The question remains whether our behaviour is naturally what it is or whether it is formed by the circumstances (nature versus nurture). There is no simple answer to that. I think both play a role. One child experiences its upbringing differently from a sibling while the circumstances are the same, because it is, for example, more sensitive. Identical twins can show completely different behaviour later in life, while the opposite also occurs. This is an introduction on my part. Some examples from the book:
We are always amazed that women go back to the men who abuse them. Whether the abuse is verbal, physical or sexual, the man promises to better himself and the woman believes him. Women who make that choice have low self-esteem (I don’t deserve better, perhaps an example of nature) or they saw their mother undergoing the same treatment (they don’t know any better, an example of nurture). They tell themselves that it is their fault, that they themselves must be a better wife to their husband, or that they cannot handle life on their own (especially for financial reasons). These women are often the victims of psychopaths, who are so manipulative that even psychologists are deceived. Both groups are therefore blind to reality and look away.
Child abuse, whether sexual or otherwise, is much more common than we think. That incest only occurs in lower-class families is a fairy tale, that mothers often look away, unfortunately not. Why is that? Out of fear of what they will get themselves into when they speak up. Head in the sand, then the problem does not exist. Especially because they want to keep the harmony (for themselves, not for the child). The consequences for the (behaviour of the) child are enormous.
Alice Stewart noticed in the 1950s that twice as many children born to women who had an x-ray during pregnancy developed cancer in a period of ten years. Before making this widely known, she did more research and kept coming to the same conclusion. She raised it with colleagues before publishing it in The Lancet in 1956. There was talk of the Nobel Prize for her. And then nothing at all happened. Why? It was indigestible for doctors that they had done something that turned out to be life-threatening to foetuses. X-rays were in vogue, because it was a relatively new technology and no one wanted to see the harm it could cause. People looked away. She was made fun of. It took many years for her findings to be recognised. (this is a very short summary of her story)
Albert Speer, after 1942 the second most powerful man in Germany, and Hitler got along very well. Speer was therefore completely blind to the monster that was Hitler. His life was spared at the Nuremberg trial because he freely admitted not seeing what Hitler had been doing. He later stated to his biographer that he had to spend the rest of his life coming to terms with what he had done because he had been blind.
You are in love and a good friend very carefully says something negative about your new love. You don’t hear it, you don’t see it, you are completely blind. You even push away that annoying little voice in the back of your head.
Other examples: MeToo; People who are initially critical of misconduct in their company, but then gradually go along with the flow, because everyone does it and you don’t want to be an outsider. The real whistleblowers, who don’t mind being ridiculed when they denounce wrongdoing at companies, institutions and governments, are being fired because they are contrarians and reveal things that the boss is looking away from, often because a lot of money is at stake. Madoff, Enron etc.
And so there are countless other examples in the book of which you think, how on earth is it possible? But look into the mirror. Is our own behaviour always flawless? Can we always resist the temptation to do something that we know is not actually right, but which we then know how to condone in an excellent way?
Look what happened when the sale of cigarettes was banned. The black market grew by the day. Everyone smoked as much as ever before or more, no one suddenly stopped smoking. If you intend to quit smoking, it isn’t going to happen because the sale is banned. I would almost say the opposite is true. I myself hadn’t smoked a cigarette for over a year, but I thought when the ban is lifted, I will light one or two or… Purely recalcitrant behaviour.
Forbidding something leads to excessive behaviour and has the opposite effect.
Alcohol insanely expensive in Sweden? Then we take the ferry back and forth and drink as much and as fast as we can, as soon as the boat is out of territorial waters. How so?
The ban on the sale of alcohol caused the same behaviour as with the cigarettes. You want more of it if you can’t have it freely and legally.
Forbidden fruits (illegal cigarettes and alcohol, drugs, an affair) simply taste much better. Why? Because of the excitement? The chance to get caught? Satisfaction of our ego? Look at me? Pure boredom? The need of something outside of ourself to get a fix?
Us humans are also resourceful. No alcohol for sale? Then we make it ourselves, right? With ginger and pineapple, for example. (this has increased the price of ginger by 300%, but this aside). Anything better than being without.
If there has ever been an interesting time to take a closer look at our behaviour, it is now. People who express different opinions are ridiculed, fired or slandered. Just like so many whistleblowers before them. Without giving the other person the opportunity to give his view on the matter and thus engage into a dialogue. We are quick to judge, but who are we to even have an opinion about someone else.
Whether you are typically cautious or assertive when it comes to stating your opinions without being asked, it is likely you shy away from telling a friend, colleague or family member something that you fear could hurt.
We are humans who depend on relationships to survive. As adults, we rarely choose to deliberately do something that will hurt people we know. We especially avoid sharing a truth face-to-face that could embarrass, offend or wound someone we like.
The next time you are anxious about sharing an observation that could hurt, first ask yourself if what you are about to share will help the person in the future or not. Consider that you might have been judging the person out of your own need to be noticed or right. Then, if you believe your intent is truly to help the person, contemplate these suggestions:
Trust your inner voice. Your brain is masterful at talking you out of creating uncomfortable situations. Yet your nagging inner voice wants you to speak up. Quiet your brain to hear your voice.
Question your fear. What is the worst that could happen? Consider the level of angst you feel now. Could living with the consequences of speaking up be easier than living with your fear? Is it your own embarrassment you are avoiding more than theirs? If you can, choose to be brave. Then keep your intent of helping in mind as you speak.
Be strategic. Unless you are simply informing someone about a clothing, food or make-up slip, consider logistics as well as your words. Look for a comfortable and quiet place to talk. Limiting the distractions will help you express care and compassion as you speak. When you share your observation, be clear about the desired outcome now and in the future. Let the person know you are sharing your thoughts because you desire to help them to have something you know is important to them such as their professional future, collegial respect, friendship and love.
Ask permission. Before you launch into your speech, you might ask the person if they would be interested and open to some observations you have had. If you sense their reluctance, you could ask if they would prefer a different time. Don’t use their rebuff as an excuse to back down. Agree on a time in the near future to talk.
Clearly describe the impact of their specific oversight or behaviour. A person might disagree with your interpretation of their behaviour, but it will be harder for them to dispute the impact they are having on you or other people.
If appropriate, share your intent. Let the person know why you care they have a more positive impact or outcome. Why are you sharing? What do you want for them as a result?
Don’t question your value. If you are being honest and helpful, don’t beat yourself up if the person responds negatively. In the long run, you are developing your personal power as you become more comfortable with giving direct feedback.