Broken

Written by Neshni Naidoo

I dove into the sea fully clothed, hoping the icy saltwater would strip the pain from my soul.
Tears streamed down my face and merged with the ocean.

I wanted to be swept away – far away from the toxic environment that was my home.

Nothing I did was right – nothing I did was good. Sometimes it felt as if I did not exist and at other times like I was a punching bag on which THEY could take out their frustration.

I didn’t ask to be born but I could choose to leave – leave this life, leave this pain.

Their words were etched in my mind.

“You are useless. You’ve been a problem child since the day you were born. You sit around doing nothing yet you want everything from me.

I’m tired of giving and giving. I’m tired of you and your stubbornness. When are you going to change?

Explain to me why are you like this? Do you want to be a failure? That is what will happen if you continue to behave in this way.”

But I can’t leave. So I absorb the insults and numb myself until I CAN leave.

Love and light
Neshni

Road to Recovery

Written by Deborah Jordaan

Good day to all the beautiful people that follow our blog. Hope the universe is blessing you. Today I am going to tell a story of an amputee. I did write about his experience a while back where he had an operation to have his foot removed due to diabetes. Today, I will continue his experience till thus far.

After the first amputation Urban was at home for a few months waiting for his next operation to formalise – close the foot so it could grow closed where the wound was. He went back to the hospital in January but it was not a pleasant experience.

First of all, they never prepared him for what he was to see after the operation, they had removed more of his leg till, under the knee, he was devastated. His experience in the hospital wasn’t pleasant either. With it being a public hospital the conditions were dire at times. They didnt have clean linen so he had dirty linen and they had stolen his wheelchair when he was in ICU after his operation. He was happy with the nursing staff as they tried to assist him the best they could but after seventeen days and no explanation as to why they were keeping him he signed himself out.

It’s been really hard on me as his girlfriend and caregiver because he gets more depressed and frustrated by the day. When his stitches were removed the wound tore open so I have to attend to the wound more vigilantly because it is a gaping wound. With the help of my fellow nurses at my local clinic, he is doing well. They assist me with the wound and medication. I can’t be more thankful.

I find he is more emotional this time, the reality of the situation has become real to him now. I try my best to keep him occupied and I still have to keep myself sane at the same time. If his family and children were more interactive with him it wouldn`t be so difficult for him to face every day.

Being a man of great intellectual capacity he tries to keep himself strong but some days it isn`t easy. I am the only one around him twenty-four hours a day so when he needs to vent his emotions I am the lucky recipient. Though he does apologise after his outburst, I must understand he must get his feelings out.

The unfortunate thing is I also need to vent my feelings so I share my thoughts with my friends at the clinic or I speak to the doctor.

Its nice to know I have my support system as my friends and family cant always understand but they do try to listen. The frustrating thing is he is not used to a wheelchair and tries to do normal activities and falls out of the wheelchair if I turn my back for a few minutes.

The way forward is not going to be an easy road but with our patience and perseverance, we should be able to cope. We are grateful that we do have a great support system with the few people that still care enough.

We have made wonderful new friends that are also paraplegics. Will keep you updated as we go forward.

Be blessed and stay safe.

Coping With Mental Illness by Deborah Jordaan

Good day to our readers, If it were not for you we would have no platform to voice ourselves, Thank you for supporting our blog, I’d like to write on Depression as I know there are many different forms of it and hopefully by writing my personal thoughts down it could motivate someone or even one of you have some advice for me in my time of mental turmoil. I was diagnosed in 2005 with bipolar mental disorder but as time has gone on they said I could have borderline disorder. Years ago I coped by self mutilating. I tried to hang myself. Numerous overdoses. After all that I’m still here and a better person for the experiences.

What I’m questioning these days is – Am I responsible for personal and family relationships going wrong or do people just not know how to support me? I really try my best to have a relationship with a partner but it gets to a stage where I become withdrawn and think that it’s him not understanding me – so I go quiet. Is it me rejecting people because I’m antisocial or is my tolerance level reaching boiling point? I know in my logical mind that it could be me rejecting them because of things happening in the relationship. My mind tells me to say how I feel. I do that then all hell breaks loose. People tend to judge me before trying to understand me. So as I always say to myself – the less people I talk to the less I need to impress. Is that a coping mechanism? I don’t know. I’ve learnt from my psychologist to let go of toxic people in my life. Did that. I’m past the point of trying to be alright if I’m not feeling alright.

I know I should’nt default on my medicine but sometimes I’m tired of depending on chemicals to make me smile. I’d like to smile from within without taking medicine to make me happy for the day. The only humans that can get me to some happiness are my two daughters and my beautiful grandsons. Just being in the space changes my mood naturally. Is it the covid 19 making it much worse by social distancing rules? Partly so but having a mental health problem we have bouts of high and low moods. It takes one small thing to push us over the edge and how we cope with that is so important. I’m good at helping others but helping myself is so difficult and at this stage all I’m doing these days is sleeping. Forcing myself to do daily chores and my night and day have changed. I’m up all night – sleep half my day away. Get energy in the afternoon and the routine goes from there. Obviously this is not a good time. I tell myself to pick myself up and that I have more than some people have. I must be grateful for food. A bed.

Healthy children and grandkids. I’m lucky to have support from my mental health clinic at my local hospital. At any given time I can walk in their door and get the support I need. Like many people I’m not currently working and that is making it worse.

My grandma on my fathers side had mental illness and i read it could be hereditory. My hope is that my daughters nor my grandsons not have it. It’s an illness I would not even wish on my worst enemy. I envy people that can be normal. Cope with life – how wonderful would that be? To feel happy and content. Thank you for letting me write my thoughts. I have never discussed my thoughts with so many strangers at one time. I know you will not be judgemental. Hopefully you think I am brave to open up to you – the reader. Trusting you with my insecurities and hoping I can get some understanding.

Be blessed.

Fasting for Good Health

Have you ever experienced a feeling of lowness and lethargy for no apparent reason? Well, it could be that your body is working hard by itself to get rid of toxins and thus the feeling of nastiness.

Fasting has long been associated with religious rituals, diets, and political protests. Now new evidence demonstrates that routine periodic fasting is also good for your health, and your heart.

When a healthy body reaches an overload of toxins from the pollutants in the air we breathe, the chemicals in the food we eat, the poisons in household cleaning products, etc, etc, it tries to eliminate these toxins and symptoms may also include headaches, and depression.

By fasting we can help our bodies to get rid of these toxic matters faster and more effectively. The lesser the degree of toxic overload, the better our digestive tract will work, and the stronger our immune system will be. A fast will give our organs a well deserved rest.

Fasting during an illness can speed up recovery as the body can use all its energy to eliminate toxins. After all, when an animal is sick, it does not eat because nature knows it is better to use body energy to get rid of the germs than wasting it on the digestive system.

Since the bulk of the toxins in your body are stored in your fat reserves, the longer you fast on water only, the more fat you’ll burn and the more toxins you’ll eliminate from your system.

Put another way, your body does not experience significant detoxification during the first 12-24 hours of a water-only fast.

During any fast it is of utmost importance to prevent dehydration by drinking plenty of water. Water only fast is not recommended as a water only fast release toxins too quickly, which will result in headaches and malice. Rather follow a live-juice diet (1 part water to 3 parts homemade juice) as it helps to remove toxins but also provides nutrition. Use Spirulina while on a fast as it is high in protein, vitamins and minerals (this is a must if hypoglycaemic). Before a water/juice fast, eat raw fruit and vegetable for two days as this will prepare the body for the ‘shock’. Then do a three day water and live juice fast, but remember to drink also extra water. Follow this then with a two day raw fruit and vegetable diet, rather have small portions more frequently.

A three day fast (with diluted live juices) will help the body to get rid of toxins and purify the blood. A five day fast will heal and rebuild the immune system and a ten day fast can prevent some illnesses to become a major problem.

During a fast, as toxins are released from the body, you may experience headaches, dizziness, fatigue, skin eruptions etc.

Never fast longer than 3 days without the guidance of your health care practitioner and any person with chronic health problem should consult their doctor first. Never fast when pregnant or lactating.
While fasting, avoid strenuous exercises.

Health Researchers are reporting that fasting not only lowers one’s risk of coronary artery disease and diabetes, but also causes significant changes in a person’s blood cholesterol levels. Both diabetes and elevated cholesterol are known risk factors for coronary heart disease.