Suffering for Others

Written by Deborah Jordaan

Good day to our wonderful fan base. Have you been blessed this week? There will always be trying times no matter what we do or say. My article this week is inspired by my experiences with friends that have had challenges in their relationships and they confided in me in the hope that I could save their situation.

Unfortunately, I am not a fairy that can wave my wand and their lives are saved. I myself face challenges but from my personal problems, I find helping people in need to help me see how blessed I am.

Two of my female friends are facing abuse from their partners and children. Let us start at case number one, I would rather not mention names.

She is a mother of five. Her children are grown but the one daughter is mixing with the wrong crowd and has been abusing drugs for years. The daughter brings suspect people home to her mom’s house. She has a daughter of ten and expects my friend to take care of the child. The little girl has seen her own mother drugged up and stabbed by the drug addicts she brings home and no matter what my friend says her daughter will not listen.

My friend is abused physically and mentally by her daughter and my friend’s husband agrees with his daughter, which is so wrong. The daughter does not work and has never supported her little girl financially since birth. My friend is a wreck and the only thing she feels she can do is to sit in her room and cry all day in the hope tomorrow will be better. It is an absolute tragedy.

Case number two is of a woman I have met recently. I do not really know her life but the few conversations we have had has let me realise that she is struggling financially and she is trying her best to get some employment but with her personal challenges she cannot leave her six-year-old daughter by a sitter as she does not have the finances for after school care. She sent me a message and asked do I know where she can stay as her husband told her to leave.

They are sharing a bed with the six-year-old as they cannot afford to buy her a bed of her own and the husband is verbally abusive according to what I heard on the recordings she sent me.

My question to her was – how can he talk to her that way with the child in the bed. He was talking of very personal intimate issues and he sounded intoxicated. Today I asked her how she is doing and she said they had discussed the issues and it is sorted. Obviously, she had to succumb to him as she and her daughter have nowhere to go.

This is a common scenario in today’s households whether it be a man or woman that is being abused. I myself was abused for years but I found a way out which was also not the best but I am grateful for where I am now.

I wish I can help all these people find a way out but all I can do is listen and give as much advice as I can and also give them avenues they can explore. It’s their choice if they stay or try to get help from professionals. There is help out there they just have to keep asking till the right person listens.

Be blessed and take care of your loved ones.

We Have Lockdown. So? by Elsabe Smit

Millions of people all over the globe are house-bound and only allowed to go out for essential trips. Of course, I could write a book about the reasons for this, and whether the lockdown is justified or not. However, it is what is.

The more important question is what to do about it.

In a way this is better than experiencing a full moon. An adult body consists of around 60% water. If you know what the moon can do to the ocean in terms of tides, imagine what the moon does with the water in your body during full moon! When this happens, many people feel as if they are being attacked by an invisible power, and they “fight back” with anger and aggression.

With the lockdown, we cognitively understand what is happening. However, many people still struggle with fear and anxiety, and if they don’t get help, they feel overwhelmed very quickly.

What can you do about it?

Firstly, go inside – no, not inside your house, because you should already be inside the house unless you have a garden to enjoy. I mean meditate. Just experience the silence in and around you, with no expectations.

This is a time where you can assess your faith. There is this silly belief that spiritual people who don’t go to church or follow organised religion also don’t believe in God – or whatever you choose to call this higher power. We know that is not true. We do believe in a Higher Power, and we know better than to blame this Higher Power for a man-made situation. If you have any doubts, you can fall into the trap of doubting or blaming yourself for not believing “enough”, or you can do something far more constructive: put your doubts into words, and find the reason for the doubts, and deal with them. There are always people who are willing to be used as a sounding board, and who can help you strengthen your faith.

One of the big issues for many people is the fear of dying. A truly spiritual understanding is that life and death cannot be separated, and that dying is really like changing into invisible clothes. You never cease to exist. If it is your time based on your life script, then that is how it is. Do you really want to leave this world in fear? Not me, thanks.

The second thing you can do is assess what is happening in the world. You can focus on the fearmongering and misinformation in social media, but I for one do my best to avoid that like the plague. I choose to delete anything that remotely looks like chainmail or that is meant to instil fear, and rather focus on all the good that is already happening in the world. Fear lowers your body vibration and compromises your immune system, whereas gratitude has the opposite effect.

Find the opposite of anything that you feel instils fear in you and find the gratitude for a unique experience. You will say this is easier said than done, but I have read about a way to do this that is so simple and powerful that it is mind-blowing.

When the emotions overwhelm you and you feel that there is no way out, ask yourself a simple question: “So?” and see what happens.

For example, a client told me she is in a total panic about her aged mother’s health and immune system. I asked “So?” and the client said: “she is in lock-down in a nursing home”. I asked “So?” and the client said: “Nobody can get to her – not even me”. I asked “So?” and the client said “That means her chances of getting infected are miniscule”.

The exchange may sound simple, but you should have seen the effect on the client. Suddenly she radiated and her whole demeanour changed. She smiled broadly and I could feel only relief from her.

When you feel overwhelmed, use this simple word and ask yourself “So?” and see and feel what happens to you. When someone else radiates fear to you, ask the same question, and ask it until you see the change in the person.

One simple word can help us through this wonderful opportunity to turn the world around, and it can start with one person at a time.

So?