Friends for Life (My Other Family)

Memoir of Chris De Flamingh

My friends whom I met & known over the past thirty (30) plus (+) years have always meant the world to me as I would always try my best to be loyal to all my friends, as friendship has always been very important to me. We would always meet up for beach braais (bar-b-que), birthday parties, and stock cars at Goodwood show grounds (long before it became Grand West) on Saturday & Friday night.

We did everything together and felt like a family (almost like a brotherhood). Many nights we would just sit and chat when we didn’t have money to go out or go to local clubs like Alligators (Paarden Eiland), Arena (close to the waterfront), Crowbar(CBD), Quay 4 (on the waterfront) and many other venues.

The Blue Peter was just a small little venue back then in the early nineties (1990s) and we often pop in for late-night drinks. Then there was also a club called Tramps in Greenpoint very close to Arena we frequently frequented. Those were the good old days.

I personally stopped going to clubs during the early 1990s as I felt “been there, done that. So I had no more great eagerness to go clubbing. I would drink on weekends and occasionally during the week as well. I would get to bed at 5am and be up at 06h30am for work and felt wide awake. I was filled with the energy of youth.

Today …….I do not have that kind of stamina to party like that anymore.

We always remained together as a close-knit group and kept up together. Communicated as we prepared mature plans for the day or weekend.

Often alcohol would play a part in us having fun/parties as a group and we would drink as usual but really enjoyed those days.

Some friends stood out for me namely Chris, Damian, Erik, Keith & Gerald Hopkins.

Chris is a mechanic and we would at times take our cars to him for repairs. He hardly ever refused us unless he was really busy.

He can withstand patience only for so long then he would explode if people abuse his good deeds; as I learned one year after he just had enough, so I gave him some space and we discussed it afterwards and understood fully where he was coming from so I would preferably call him so he is aware I’m planning to pop in and so I learned to respect his privacy including his needs as a father and breadwinner in his own household.

In April 1995 my dad passed away and they all came late one evening to lend their moral support as I was absolutely devastated and wore black for more than a year, as I mourned the loss of my father. I had difficulty accepting he was gone.

There isn’t a manual that teaches anyone how to deal with traumatic situations except for the Word of God (The Bible). I really had to grow up fairly quickly at this time in my life as I had to start paying bills like water, electricity etc. As my mom could not survive on her pension and I at the age of 24, it was just KFC, Steers and parties and alcohol etc.

Some years later, I was unemployed for about 3 years and Chris arranged from the group of friends to contribute each a certain amount which I was able to pay for some essentials petrol (fuel) etc.

In 1998 Erik paid for the repairs of my car and didn’t know how much it meant to me. He used to host many times nice causal braais at his family home and his parents were always very accommodating to all his friends being there having parties or just a plain decent visit for coffee.

I suffer from severe depression and anxiety and I had been feeling down for quite some time. One night I was in the Edgemead / Bothasig area and parked down a quiet street when I wanted to take my own life. As I held the gun to my head, I didn’t know how to deal with what was going on in my life. But for some or other reason I decided against it and lowered the gun. Then I drove to Erik’s house and he was alone as his folks had been away on holiday. When I pitched up at his front door he told me to enter and have a seat he made us some coffee and I proceeded to explain to him what had just transpired. I thank the lucky stars he was there for me that night and on so many other occasions.

Damian is another very good friend of mine and he is always available to help a friend and hardly ever says “no”. Damian has knowledge of electronics, computers, cars, etc. He is self-taught and has a very inquiring mind and that is how he accumulated his knowledge of some technical issues in the above-mentioned experiences. One essential thing I learned about Damian is, Don’t piss him off!

On more than one occasion he has repaired my cars in the past and refuses any compensation for it. Damian, I trust with my life and know he will always do something within your best interest.

God brought this wonderful group of friends into my life for a reason and they mean the world to me never ever take them for granted.

I also had other friends over the years and some are longer around as they went to be with God our Father.

Marie Upton, Cathy Ward & Deon Marais, Raymond Murray, Sandi Shaw (born Tuck) – These were very close friends of mine with some I would often share very personal information and brought a form of mental salvation to me at the time.

My friends are my family and I feel very proud to have such a great bunch of guys that I made friends with almost thirty (30) years ago.

Don’t take your friends for granted and have the utmost respect for them and take their social needs into account so you don’t crowd your friends and cause a very taste of dislike, disrespect and emotional discomfort and maybe feel too embarrassed to show your face again.

One day I had an argument with Sandi on the phone and I was very upset and felt very ashamed after the argument.

Sandi sent me a letter which she called a “Thank you gram” Thanking me for being her friend and I had known her for about twenty (20) years. She mentioned something in her letter to me where she said “Don’t let the sun set on an argument.” This was I think at the beginning of 2015 and passed away after suffering complications from cancer.

She lived at the time in KZN but we kept in contact on almost a daily basis. Either via email and /or Skype and phone. I was very heartbroken when she passed away.

Mr Kent is a very special friend of mine, he is a retired school principal and was also a good friend to my mom when we didn’t have a car to transport my mom to and from the hospital. He also assisted me with taking me to my clients at the time when I had to supply them with paper rolls which I sold through my business. He even cancelled a family commitment in order to assist me once I needed to be dropped off or collected where I had to go one afternoon. Mr Kent was kind enough to transport us wherever we had to go and was a great help and inspiration to me and still is. He is such a very humble and loving person.

I met Frank in 2004 after starting a new job at a carwash he used to pop in during his lunch hour and I always looked forward to that, so we could have our friendly casual chats etc. He mentioned one day that I should come to his family home which I did and we became good friends. He has been there for me in times of need when I needed his help. When he needs my help I jump for him because we have been very good friends since 2004.

Just a last word on friendship, if I may. Lessons learned from my experiences with my friends especially are to always respect one another and have compassion for one another and respect one’s personal space and family time. Always show courtesy for your neighbours & friends.

Memories of a lifetime with family (Part 1 of 3)

Written by Chris De Flamingh

I have had many memories throughout my life, some happy and some sad.

During the 1970’s growing up I remember we used to look after a beautiful female fox terrier who belonged to our next-door neighbour, her name was Suzi. This was my first best friend and it felt like she was my own dog as we used to take her in quite often when our neighbours went on holiday.

One sunny day it was late in the afternoon and the neighbours facing our front door had a red brick wall next to their house I was over by the neighbour playing with their kids outside in the garden. I decided I was going to climb this wall cos being a young small boy I was always very curious and up for a challenge to find out what certain things would be like after exploring them. I climbed the wall and found out in no time that this wall was not sturdy (cement plastered) and gave way as soon as I climbed it. It collapsed in an instant and I had a fright but only sustained some minor bruises on my leg. My ego was the biggest injury.

At the age of 4, I had an accident after falling into the hot tub in Youngsfield military base and sustained a fair amount of burns to my body as described in ‘my life story’.

I also had a great fear of heights and at the age of 11 or 12, I went to a school friend’s house and his dad was also in the military. They had a huge trampoline in the backyard and always enjoyed playing and jumping on it as a kid the few times I did visit them. They had a big old tree in their backyard with a wooden platform fitted between the tree branches (tree house) high up in the tree. I climbed up the tree and attempted to step across to another tree branch and my hand slipped off the tree branch and fell to the ground flat onto my back approximately 3 to 4 metres down. I had some pain but it was more so the shock of that moment as I could not believe what had just happened. I swiftly got up and walked home crying.

Whilst living in Kenwyn, Santa delivered my first BMX bicycle. I was so excited, about my first personal transport. I was independent, I was free, and I could explore. I planned all my day trips carefully. Mom prepared me a picnic of sandwiches, cold drinks and of course the much-required stack of sweets and chocolates.

Sometimes a friend would join in the fun and sometimes I went alone. My trips were as far afield as Kirstenbosch, Constantia and Newlands swimming pools. Travelling all the way from Wynberg was a good distance for a child

Other day trips that I remember were the train rides to Town (Cape Town) with mom and brother. These trips were always filled with excitement for a young little boy, a train trip followed by the smells and sights of the big city itself followed by lunch at a restaurant in The Golden Acre

My family often planned long trips to Eastern Cape or the Transvaal. Mom would always have a huge hamper of roast chicken and potatoes with rice and other veggies. The special treat was the instant puddings and jelly we ate if we were good in the 20-hour car trips

Originally as every young child, I was very close to my mom, as a typical rebellious teenager, dad was my hero and comfort. I clashed with mom for many years before our bond grew close again. Today, I think back in horror at the words I spoke to mom, but realize that I was naïve and had to learn about life.

My dad was a very strict straightforward person and did not stand for any nonsense whatsoever. If you didn’t listen, he would merely lift his big hands and take a good hard swing at us and you know what you have done wrong and believe me, it did not tickle. It hurt like hell. Those were the good ole days and I never regret my upbringing ever.

It taught me to respect and improved my character as a person.

I often climbed into dads car to play with the car switches until one day, I snapped the cable that unlocked the bonnet. My dad was very enraged and he gave me good hiding as a result. Ever since that day he always kept the car locked whilst parked in the garage.

He had to spend money to have it repaired. As a ruling because of similar events that resulted in things breaking, I stopped fiddling with other people’s property as I was always extremely curious about what a button on a radio or some or other piece of equipment would do, had I pressed it. I would always end up breaking something or something would fall and break, so I eventually learned my lesson as a kid and stopped messing with stuff that either did not belong to me or did not apply to me.

Who’s to blame? by Ada Den Hollander

You are still young
not in years, but
at heart.
You love your life,
you’re free to walk,
go out,
to dance, to laugh,
to sometimes cry,
you live!
But then all hell breaks loose.
Chaos in the world,
chaos in your head.
The streets empty,
your freedom gone.
No knock on your door,
no coffees with friends,
no hugs are allowed.
Slowly but surely
your zest for life disappears.
You don’t dare to say,
you may not want to stay.
Lonely, fearful, without hope
you take them all,
you go to sleep
to never wake up.
At least you’re now free,
free from the chaos in the world,
the chaos in your head.

Fear not my Child… by Kim Michelle Hewitt

Lemon cake was Patunia’s favourite and Proteas certainly always made her smile. The way that each individual part of the flower is formed to perfection and how it fits in and yet seems too advanced for this world somehow.

She greeted her friend with glee. Lia was handing out small gifts to all her friends, all of which chatted and giggled amongst themselves. A delightful air of enthusiasm filled the sunny back porch where snacks and enjoyment continued to flow.

In this celebration time there had been much to say and on leaving Patunia felt a warm happiness and overall general excitement for the week ahead. She glanced down at the little wooden umbrella; Lia had given her, as her personal gift. She remembered the words her friend had used, “Because you can weather every storm”. This was so applicable to Patunia’s life, which in fact had felt like many storms amongst many happy times.

Patutia day dreamed back over a specific period in her life where storms were all she really had encountered. Thinking back to times she would sit on the beach watching the waves roll in and out absorbed by the magnitude and expansion of water, by the greatness that was presented before her, ever reminding her, that all is really well, always. Her mind drifted to elightened times when all her dreams came true and smiled at how this too is possible with the right dose of imagination, a scoop of intention, a pinch of attention, and of course, a measure of faith. The little wooden umbrella was in fact triggering many a thought for Patunia and she smiled as she lay on the green freshly cut grass looking up at the sky through the branches of palm trees.

In the days that followed she found herself being interviewed by a large organisation, of which she was delighted. She found that love in all forms came knocking and she found that remaining grateful was a key to unlock any potential obstacle and conquer it.

Finding the peace in aloneness had been a great challenge at this time for most, yet Patunia was no stranger to aloneness and isolation. It seemed to always take her back in memory to happier times. Playing ball on the crooked pathway leading to the squeaky garden gate at her Grandma’s house, the smell of flapjacks coming from the kitchen and boiled sugar sweets kept high up out of reach in the wooden safe cupboard. She would think of Everleen and Jane, chatting together, in their own language, on their grass mats, smoking long beaded pipes in the afternoon sunshine. To eating sweet and sour grapes from the grape vine, climbing the mulberry tree escaping to her wooden hide away, where dolls and teddies had kept her company. Of her ‘stage’, which in fact was the old cement slab in the back garden amongst the lanky pawpaw trees. To all her make believe audience, who cheered and clapped after each of her performances. Her thoughts would amble to fresh fruit salad, the smell of garden roses, to the safety of her Grandma’s story time and the harmonious sound of garden birds. Drifting through these childhood memories and adventures, Patunia would often stop and ask herself the questions. “What had covered me through it all?” “What had been my overall protection?” “What had pushed me to venture, what had encouraged me to leap?” Now, as she looked at the little wooden umbrella, she knew the answer.

It was in fact Grace, Grace that had been there all along. Grace that had held her hand when there was no-one else, Grace that had her covered even when she did not think so and Grace that had pulled her through each trying situation. The Grace of all that is, the Grace of all that was and all that ever will be. That Grace that held her close and that Grace that kept her going. That Grace that cheered in celebration with each small step, ever gently forcing her to try and try again, to expand, experience, to unfold, to grow.

Lia’s gift was much more than just the little wooden umbrella. She had given Patunia the graceful opportunity of adventure into a more conscious approach to past experiences, with more understanding in the overall umbrella of life. Grace, the umbrella of her life, through every storm through every cloud, through every rainbow and every sunshine. Ever held, ever being encouraged, ever supported, ever loved. As it is, as it was and as it is to come.

Written with Thanks to my dear friend TvR
Kim Michelle Hewitt

Creating Gratitude by Elsabe Smit

Is it possible to create gratitude rather than just feel it momentarily? Yes, it is. Let me explain.

The Universe is in complete balance – from the largest global pandemic to the smallest sub-atomic particle. That is how everything was created. We tend to forget about this incredibly beautiful balance when we get stuck in emotions.

There is a difference between emotions and feelings. Did you know there are over 3000 words in the English language that describe emotions? Emotions are energy in motion, and they get us into trouble all the time because when we have emotions, we have knee-jerk reactions.

Try this. Express anger as you read this. It doesn’t matter what you are angry at. Just express anger. Notice how your body and your face instinctively know what to do. You know exactly which of the muscles in your face to use, and how to use them, so that nobody will be in any doubt that you are angry. See what happens to your breathing and your body. Your body knows the difference between angry and happy and will follow your command.

You can do the same for any other emotion, such as sad, excited, lonely and so on.

All those are emotions. Then what is a feeling? Think back to the most amazing time in your life. Was it your first kiss? Or the first time you held your child in your arms? Wat is when you got married? You know when what you felt was beyond words.

Now tell your body to go back to that moment and express that moment in your face, breathing and muscles. Not that easy, huh? In fact, I would be surprised if you can mimic even 1% of what you felt at that moment. Describing it as “happy” would be like describing the ocean as “wet” – it just wouldn’t work. Those are moments that you cannot express in words, and your body cannot enter that state on command. Those are feelings. They lasted anywhere from a few minutes to maybe a week – where you felt that you were walking on clouds and it was out of this world. You experienced heaven.

You need to grasp this before you can understand how to work towards creating gratitude.

Gratitude is not just another emotion on the list. Gratitude is a process that happens in your body, and when you have experienced gratitude, you cannot go back to any other past state of mind or body.

​Now is a wonderful time to practice working on gratitude. Identify the one issue or experience around you right now that causes you the most emotional discomfort whether it is fear, anxiety, depression or whatever you are feeling but don’t want to feel. Experience that feeling in every cell of your body. Write down something that is bad or intolerable in the situation. For example, you cannot shake hands with people. Then find the opposite of that experience that you can observe – if not in yourself, then in other people. For example, whenever you cannot shake hands, you find yourself looking the person in the eyes, and you suddenly realise how much you have not observed before in other people.

It is important to take one item at a time – in other words, don’t rush down a list of negatives, and then go back to the first one and try to think of a positive to counterbalance it. You take one item at a time and find the balance.

Then you observe the magic that happens in you as you go through the exercise. One thing is that you break down your fears as you built them up – one brick at a time.

The second thing is that the more you do this, the more you find balance in every cell of your body – even if you think you only apply your mind while doing the exercise. There will come a moment when you reach the end of the exercise – not when you decide you have had enough, but when you feel the effect in your body. It is difficult to put into words but think of a magic explosion of light in every cell of your body. Suddenly you get that floating feeling, and you have complete perspective on the situation – more than ever before – and not a shred of the original emotion remains.

The physical effect is that a quantum of light is created in every cell of your body. As a result, your body vibration goes up – and that is permanent – it never goes down to a previous level again.

So yes, you can create gratitude, but gratitude is not just another emotion – it is a feeling that you can work towards, until you feel it.

Will this gratitude last? Yes – for anything from a few minutes to a week. And then you start again – because you are still in this life, and that is how life works. However, every time you do this, it becomes easier, it expands your consciousness, and your body vibration increases. Is that something you can look forward to and work towards?

Awakening

Hello everyone. Thank you for allowing me to write about my on-going adventure called awakening.

I’ve recently been experiencing smells. No matter where I go I’m always smelling perfumes and men’s fragrances and it happens randomly in people’s houses.

So besides the fact that I feel the pain and struggles going on in people’s lives I’m now smelling the people that are roaming around in their spaces from another realm.

Its been a hectic few months. I’ve had friends becoming ill and obviously carrying their feelings and melancholy. I’m also going through some health issues but it gets me wondering if my friends’ illnesses haven’t just attached itself to me.

I’m having back pains- is it a spirit attached to me or just a health issue?

I’m going for a mammogram soon- is that just me feeling my friends pain and its causing me chest pain as its near my heart and I love them so much. They are like my sisters.

Family of mine is going through cancer and chemo so is it my imagination that my breasts are painful and I’m just feeling their pain or is my pain valid and it might be something bad I really can’t- say but my journey being an empath is teaching me so many things, that every day is a new experience.

That’s it for now. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my journey into the unknown world of the supernatural.

Deborah Jordaan

The Holistic Fayre, Bothasig is turning 8, on 12 July 2014

The shortest distance between two people is a smile

Swap out your battered and beaten day at the Shopping Centre with an indulging day of warm hospitality and effortless chatting amidst interesting and exciting stalls. Perhaps you’d like to visit a Reader for a peep into what the future might say….

We have a great selection of Psychic, Tarot, Angel, Astrology, Rune Stones, Medium and Numerology Readers, or maybe sooth those tired muscles with a relaxing Massage, Reflexology or even some Shiatsu.

Meander through the hall with its great selection of books, CD’s, DVD’s, Incense Sticks, Aromatherapy Home and Personal Care, Crystals, Jewels, Plants, Orgonite, Water Fountains, Healing Oils, Hats, Gifts, Clothing,  and much more.  You never know where you might find your next treasure.

Don’t forget to grab a cup of gourmet Coffee and a slice of delicious Cake while browsing…. And for lunch…. Choose from delicious Vegetarian & Non-vegetarian Meals, pastries, and Asian or even Greek dish….. you’ll be spoiled for choice… Not so hungry… how about a Samoosa or Cupcake? For this special celebration we have a very invigorating and exciting day planned just for you.

Various Belly Dancing Studios are shimmering through the hall with veils and scarves,  following the beat of the Drummer as they fill the hall with delight. Later, you’re welcome to try your hand at some free drumming…

Listen carefully during the course of the day for the announcement of the 8 Magic Word Competition.  Be enchanted with over 20 prizes for this Competition. Exhibitors have donated over 200 prizes to be given away to Lucky Visitors.  Prizes vary from gifts to gift vouchers, treatments and sessions.  Two little Angels will be roaming through the hall giving away mini Tea Cups sets and Lucky Birthday Pegs .

For an entrance fee of only R5-, you will be entertained, no doubt receive Free Gifts, and attend Free Lessons as you mingle indoors in a positive and energizing environment.  Spend the day with us and leave feeling excited, fun-filled and re-vitalized. Situated near the N7 Freeway, The Bothasig Community Hall is easily located with ample secure parking, often under trees.  Festivities start at 10am ending at 4pm with a Closing Ceremony of Gratitude.

Arrive a Stranger, leave as a Friend.

Visit our Website www.aboutholistic.co.za for full program of monthly Fayre