Tag Archives: marriage

About Expectations

Written by Olivia Britz

I’ve come to learn that a lot of my life has been filled with junk from the past and past mistakes of parents and societies rules …which for the most do not make sense.

My writings are about honesty. This is my brand or trademark or whatever you wish to call it.

This morning I would like to put a topic close to my heart on the writing board. A topic about your own bedroom / separate bedrooms in marital relationships. Taboo or happiness? Now take me for example. I am the youngest of 7 …and grew up always sharing a bedroom; then out of my parent’s home to live with my boyfriend who I married and have since divorced. No bedroom of my own.

In the course of our marriage, I started to broach the subject of my own bedroom. My reasons were logical. I simply wanted my own room to decorate the way I wished. I wanted space…I am a light sleeper while he snores and sleeps heavily. I wanted a place I could go to comfortably and safely with my thoughts if we had disagreements. I wanted a space to recharge. All these logical reasons were met with Disdain at the very thought of such an impossibility and my own impossible nature as a wife. I was not heard.

Come many years later I moved to another city with the children for school and finally an opportunity to have my own bedroom. As the years went by that we lived apart I came to realize…how very important that wish was to me; as I valued my space to be able to close the door to my room…

And I wander and ask myself …men and women alike why do we box ourselves? Now you may ask since I am now divorced…is this something that may have made a positive difference in our marriage? I cannot say if I would have stayed married …but I can say with absolute clarity that it would have saved many arguments and resentments and exhaustion and irritability.

I was often tired from having had a bad night. I was irritable because many a night he would come to bed just as I fell asleep. And many a night too that I had to go to sleep because he came to bed and the bedside light was a disturbance.

In conclusion other than the issues we had…I was an exhausted human being. From lack of proper sleep. Simple as that.

I ask myself why we remain bonded to and bound by rules which do not work for our relationships.

For those of you who are blessed to be Still married…listen to the sounds of the little problems.

Stay blessed