The perfect wife, doting mother, supportive friend, gracious hostess, always smiling – that is how most people described Jodie. Very few knew that her beautiful smile hid a painful secret. She was dying. Not of a physical illness, but a dis-ease of the mind that was slowly robbing her of joy and purpose.
The shrill tone of the alarm pierced through her dream. Jodie reached over and hit ‘Snooze’. “Five more minutes,” she thought to herself. The alarm jarred her sleep again. “Why don’t you turn that damn thing off if you are not going to wake up when it rings!!” barked her husband, Reese. Cursing silently, she rolled out of bed and into the bathroom. Looking into the mirror, she wondered, “Where have the last 20 years gone? Where was the zeal, energy and passion I had at university?” She splashed cold water onto her face as if to wash away the unwelcome thoughts. As she dressed, each piece of clothing, each layer of make-up served as her armour, preparing her for the day’s battles. The finishing touch was the lipsticked smile. Jodie looked at her reflection, pleased by what she saw, and said to no-one in particular, “Let this be a good day.”
Her two children, 10-year old Sarah and 13-year old Joshua were extra slow that morning, having only got to bed at 10 after completing their schoolwork. It still added to her frustration though and she scolded, “If we don’t leave in the next five minutes, you are going to be late for school. Then you can explain to Mr Steyn why you are late!” They sped up whatever they were doing silently, knowing that it was best not to argue with mom when she was in “one of her moods.” By the time, they arrived at school, Jodie had calmed down a little and feeling guilty, she gave them each a quick hug, saying, “I’m sorry. You know I love you, right?”
The conversation at the school gate revolved around the same issues – too much homework, lack of motivation, too much screen time, and their hectic lives and what to cook for supper. Even though it was reassuring to know that other moms shared the same problems, Jodie’s insecurity still raised its ugly head. “What am I doing wrong? Why are my kids just average and not excelling at anything? Have I done enough to encourage their talents or is it too little? Leaving work to be at home with them hasn’t seemed to make any difference.” Once again, there was no stopping that nagging voice once it started.
En-route to her car, Jodie suddenly stumbled, feeling faint, then felt herself falling as everything went black. When she came to, her friend Laura was at her side, a concerned expression on her face. “Hey, you scared us when you toppled over like that. How are you feeling?”
“Weak…… a little confused…….. Don’t know what happened, “she said, the metallic taste of blood on her tongue.“
“Don’t try and get up, “said Laura, “We’ve called for an ambulance and Reese is on his way.”
The paramedics checked her vitals when they arrived. Her blood pressure was 80/60 which is why she had fainted. She had a split lip from knocking it against the gate as she fell. However, she would have to be taken to the hospital for observation and x-rays to determine if there were any other injuries. Reese arrived just as they were placing her in the ambulance.
“The kids……” she muttered.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything,” Reese assured her.
Thankfully, there were no other injuries but Jodie would have to remain in the hospital for a few days for an MRI and other tests. Initially, she was concerned about the children and how they were coping without her, but relaxed when she saw that her mum and Reese had everything under control. Not used to doing nothing, she used the time between tests, the prodding and pricking, to catch up on her reading, complete a knitting project and plan for the following week.
One morning, she picked up her diary and pen with the intention of compiling her “To-Do” list. She went no further than the date. Her hand began moving across the page as if it was being controlled by another force. A picture began to take shape. Minutes passed, as she drew, unaware of her surroundings. When she finally put down her pen, she felt spent, as if she had finished an intense workout.
Putting her pen aside, she focussed on the drawing. It was a little girl, curled up on the floor, crying. She was alone, surrounded by a protective shield. Around the shield were arrows being hurled at her and bouncing off the shield.
“THIS IS ME,” she thought. As the tears welled up, Jodie went to hide in the bathroom, trying to stifle and mute the sobs that racked through her body. Returning to her bed, she began to write. Every sentence helped her understand. With each sentence, she could feel a part of her protective shield breaking away.
After all the tests, the diagnosis was that she was stressed. The doctor gave her recommendations and suggested a psychologist help her manage her stress levels. Jodie smiled inwardly because she’d understood the message delivered with this incident and received the guidance she needed to start the healing process.
Hello everyone and welcome to the new readers to this wonderful site. This month the Universe tested me to the extreme and beyond – As a mother, Partner and Human being. With all that is happening to our planet right now I’m hoping my article can take you away from your own thoughts for a while.
Being a mom of two girls is sometimes trying as I worry about them constantly though they are adults and living their lives. As a mother you get intertwined in their lives and sometimes forget that you once were young and also didn’t take your moms advice.
My one daughter is diabetic and many more complications – mommy of two beautiful souls – my two grandsons. She is the best mommy she can be in her health situation – though her extended family make her life hell and as it’s her husband’s family I can’t really intervene and defend my daughter as she tells me she will sort them out. So all I can do is be there for her in an unbiased way to prevent any further problems.
My other daughter is a career driven young lady and is going through some soul searching. I really like her partner – as she is my child and all I can do is love her and listen to her no matter where the road takes her. My wish for her is that she achieves the best she can be and strive for happiness. She is elusive and chooses not to share her trials in life. The only time she shares anything with me is if she has already decided what to do. Her happiness is all that matters to me.
Sometimes being a partner is difficult as he is needy and I’m so used to being left to my own choices and devices. Needy in a good way and I still get the freedom I need and time to give to others that also need me. He accommodates my religious beliefs and my bipolar without judgement.
My bipolar has had a field day this month as well so at any given time when I feel like doing anything I’m happy and content even if it is for a short while. I have to be strong as no one else is going to do it for me. We are in control of our own emotions and avoid people that make us feel like we are worth less than how we should be feeling. So letting go of toxic people is the best strategy for anyone.
The universe has tested me for a reason and no matter what I’m always grateful for what I have no matter the situation. I have abundance of people that love me and I am content with what I have. Thank you mother earth for your abundance of beautiful souls in my life.
Age creeps up on us all slowly stripping away our youth then one day we look into the mirror and the body does not seem to match the sparkle in the eyes anymore. Then we begin to look over our shoulder at our past and think I wonder what would have happened or what if I had taken this path?
The concept of there only being one life and a limited amount of time to live it is to most people like someone saying there is no Santa Claus. We simply want to believe in forever just like we wanted to believe in happily ever after as children.You may think I am advocating quitting your job and going trekking in Africa but no that is not where this is going. Living is an art in itself it is not about time management or fit as much in as I can. It is about passion, depth, vision, love and much more.I wish I could remember the taste of a meal long after I have eaten it, I wish I could see my partners face long after they have left, I wish I could feel my friends hug as she embraced me long after she had let go, I wish I could picture the one time my Mother said I love you long after she is gone, I wish I was so in tune with life, so aware, so enlightened that every moment was my greatest and I could feel it, taste it, and truly live it.I do not want to wait until someone tells me there are no more moments left I do not want to feel cheated because a Higher Power took my moments away. I want to be grateful a Higher Power gave me the moment to begin with.
As youth slips away and it will slowly I want to be able to look in the mirror and see the happiness of a life lived with depth and passion etched in my face. I want to be able to feel the touch of my lovers hand as it brushed away my tears not just remember it. But unless I am truly aware truly in the moment at the time allowing myself to feel, letting go of expectations, letting go of the need to hold something back, unless that happens all I will have is a vague memory. I want more I want an imprint so strong I can carry it with me and feel it when the moments are at an end.
My wish for you is that you may look in the mirror of self reflection long before youth has disappeared. I hope you will realize life doesn’t need to be filled up with things rather it needs to be soaked up for all it has to offer right now at this very moment. My wish for you is that you may experienced even for a second a state of total being when everything falls away and time stands still and you can taste the air you breath, feel the earth pulsate beneath your feet and hear the whisper of the Angels.