Suffering for Others

Written by Deborah Jordaan

Good day to our wonderful fan base. Have you been blessed this week? There will always be trying times no matter what we do or say. My article this week is inspired by my experiences with friends that have had challenges in their relationships and they confided in me in the hope that I could save their situation.

Unfortunately, I am not a fairy that can wave my wand and their lives are saved. I myself face challenges but from my personal problems, I find helping people in need to help me see how blessed I am.

Two of my female friends are facing abuse from their partners and children. Let us start at case number one, I would rather not mention names.

She is a mother of five. Her children are grown but the one daughter is mixing with the wrong crowd and has been abusing drugs for years. The daughter brings suspect people home to her mom’s house. She has a daughter of ten and expects my friend to take care of the child. The little girl has seen her own mother drugged up and stabbed by the drug addicts she brings home and no matter what my friend says her daughter will not listen.

My friend is abused physically and mentally by her daughter and my friend’s husband agrees with his daughter, which is so wrong. The daughter does not work and has never supported her little girl financially since birth. My friend is a wreck and the only thing she feels she can do is to sit in her room and cry all day in the hope tomorrow will be better. It is an absolute tragedy.

Case number two is of a woman I have met recently. I do not really know her life but the few conversations we have had has let me realise that she is struggling financially and she is trying her best to get some employment but with her personal challenges she cannot leave her six-year-old daughter by a sitter as she does not have the finances for after school care. She sent me a message and asked do I know where she can stay as her husband told her to leave.

They are sharing a bed with the six-year-old as they cannot afford to buy her a bed of her own and the husband is verbally abusive according to what I heard on the recordings she sent me.

My question to her was – how can he talk to her that way with the child in the bed. He was talking of very personal intimate issues and he sounded intoxicated. Today I asked her how she is doing and she said they had discussed the issues and it is sorted. Obviously, she had to succumb to him as she and her daughter have nowhere to go.

This is a common scenario in today’s households whether it be a man or woman that is being abused. I myself was abused for years but I found a way out which was also not the best but I am grateful for where I am now.

I wish I can help all these people find a way out but all I can do is listen and give as much advice as I can and also give them avenues they can explore. It’s their choice if they stay or try to get help from professionals. There is help out there they just have to keep asking till the right person listens.

Be blessed and take care of your loved ones.

Broken

Written by Neshni Naidoo

I dove into the sea fully clothed, hoping the icy saltwater would strip the pain from my soul.
Tears streamed down my face and merged with the ocean.

I wanted to be swept away – far away from the toxic environment that was my home.

Nothing I did was right – nothing I did was good. Sometimes it felt as if I did not exist and at other times like I was a punching bag on which THEY could take out their frustration.

I didn’t ask to be born but I could choose to leave – leave this life, leave this pain.

Their words were etched in my mind.

“You are useless. You’ve been a problem child since the day you were born. You sit around doing nothing yet you want everything from me.

I’m tired of giving and giving. I’m tired of you and your stubbornness. When are you going to change?

Explain to me why are you like this? Do you want to be a failure? That is what will happen if you continue to behave in this way.”

But I can’t leave. So I absorb the insults and numb myself until I CAN leave.

Love and light
Neshni

Tribute to My Mom & Dad

Written by Chris DeFlamingh

My dad was born Adolf Jakobus DeFlamingh on 23 December 1928 and passed away on April 7th, 1995 at the age of 66 (I had just turned 24 at the end of that month 29 April 1995). He was buried on 12 April 1995.

My mom was born Christina Jacoba Hitchcock in Tanzania on 18 February 1940 and passed away at the age of 79, on 28 April 2019 and I turned 48 just the following day. My mom was buried on 9 May 2019.

It was my calling to be here on earth to look after my parents should they become ill, frail or reach their “golden years” to be there until God called them home to His kingdom to be in the safety of His care.

I love my parents and I will never stop loving them as if they were still living here on earth and I being by their side but instead, they are now by my side and guarding me while they are up in Heaven, in the Kingdom of God.

One day out of the blue I told my mom “you know that I love you, hey” and she was taken back for a second as she didn’t expect me to ever say something like that.

She realised what I had told her, her face lit up like a diamond sparkling like a clean dish that had just been washed spotlessly clean. She couldn’t believe her ears and I felt great and very proud that I had told her as I had never ever told her that before; about a month later she had gone to be with the Lord.

So I will always feel some form of guilt that I never expressed anything like that to my mom & dad more often.

As I commemorate the passing of my mom on this day 28 April 2020, it is with great sadness but also with some kind of inspiration that I was called by God to take on this task and that was so clear to me from a very young age.

To stand by my parents no matter what. It’s with great pride and satisfaction that I could fulfil that task in Gods glory & stood by my mom until it was her time to leave this earthly place and be with the Lord as my mom was a very devoted Christian and stood by her beliefs and many nights she would read out loud and held bible study before we went to bed.

If I could go back and face the same tasks again, (some people would call it challenges), I would do it all over again without a doubt. For me it was an honour. So today I celebrate my mom’s life as opposed to mourning her passing.

Rest in peace mom & dad until we meet again ….

Where Are Our Children

Written by Deborah Jordaan

Hello to all our loyal readers. Without you, we could not reach out and help someone that might read our article and find it helpful. I’m writing about parents that need their children in their time of need and they are absent. This next passage I’m going to write is about a parent who has given me permission to write his thoughts.

Coming back from the hospital where my left foot was amputated I was trying to get in the house up the stairs I had to go up from behind and on my bottom. Once I got inside it was a battle trying to get into a chair as I wasn’t equipped with paraplegic aides. I took the walker and moved slowly toward the bedroom but on the turn going toward the bedroom I lost footing and fell. My carer was trying to help as much as she could but it was the first day home so we were still trying to find a way to do things. As I lay there tears filled my eyes as I realised that I was alone – where are my sons? Why cant they be there to pick me up as I picked them up when they were in pain? I finally found myself in the bed, sleep evaded me. I was wondering -who will pick me up when I fall tomorrow again?

I myself feel lonely sometimes. I have two daughters but they have lives of their own and also have challenges. I try to be there for them but I myself fall emotionally and wish they are there to pick me up when I go to a dark place. When our children are grown they seem to think they are no longer a part of us as they have their extended families also to spend time with. Many children do so much for their parents and others disappear. Where do our children go? As parents grow older they need to feel loved and like they matter and not that they are only an ATM to their children and a place to stay when times get tough. Acknowledge us as parents. Make parents feel like they are a part of your life and make sacrifices for them as they gave up many things the day you were born.

Dont go knocking on your parents door when you hear they are ill. Are you already counting the money you will inherit when they die or are you really concerned? Remember your parent has worked really hard in life to get where they are in life and of course it will all go to you but dontcount your chickens before they hatch. Your parents didnt count pennies when you were born they did what they had to do to get you grown-up, educated and tried to teach you respect toward mankind. No matter what your mother had to do – she did what she had to do to feed and clothe you so dont throw her away when she is in need. Your father gave up hes aspirations and had you in mind as he was sweating at work everyday to earn a living, so its time you wipe the sweat from hes brow if hes ill.

Don`t let society consume your humanity and make you part of the rat race. Keep your humanity and empathy. Be the child your parents dreamt you would be one. Make them proud. Whether you are a cleaner or pilot, just love and respect your parents and everyone else.

May the universe bless you with abundance and bring love and light to you and your loved ones in the month ahead.

When We Get Old by Deborah Jordaan

Good day to our loyal readers. Today I would like to write about what happens to us when we age and get put in an old age home.

I’m a carer at an old age home and the stories I hear and the things I see makes me wonder why we as parents do so much for our children just to have them put us in a home when they can’t cope with us anymore. As always it’s a generalised opinion as not all families put their parents there to get them out of the way.

Some elderly people are better off in a home as they can receive the care they need in regards to their health and grooming as things get difficult to the point where the elderly person can no longer do things for themselves. Being a carer is satisfying to me as I can be to the elderly person what they need me to be and I do it lovingly.

My dear mother passed on a few years ago at our home and I decided I wanted to be there for similar situations where if a child or partner were not present and a person was ill and was going to pass on that I could be there in their stead to reassure the person that everything is alright and they are not alone. Every person I take care of I feel I can save them or at least make their journey less stressful.

We take for granted that we can groom ourselves. To the ill or elderly person even those daily tasks become too much. They also like to be clean and pampered and they need to be reassured they are in safe hands when tended to. Make them feel they matter and they are not useless that they can’t tend to themselves.

This is where I hear the sad tales. Some are put in a home because their children have taken over their finances and their home and they don’t want them around. Other children are wonderful, they see to the needs of the parent or relative. They visit regularly where the other children just leave them there and always have a story as to why they can’t come visit.

I see their pain and joy and it warms my heart that I can be there for them in some small way. I see my parents in every one of them. So I care for them as I would my own parents. I love and respect them and don’t treat them like a child. They might be old and maybe become forgetful but they are an adult and command respect.

So my wish is that someone that is being neglectful reads this and realises how lucky they are to still have a parent. Take time and spend time with your loved one. No money or worldly goods can replace a parent.

Be Blessed