Selfishness is the Word…….

Written by Deborah Jordaan

Good day to all the wonderful humans that read our stories, without our readers our words are in limbo but our readers embrace our talent. Thank you.

Today I am writing about the person that takes care of a patient. Whether it is a nurse or a family member the caretaker is sometimes taken for granted. The patient can be selfish and not consider the person taking care of them, they might also want to do things and go places but sometimes the Caregiver has no choice as they take care of the patient twenty-four hours a day.

The Caregiver can get lonely and feel like they are alone. The Caregiver also needs a support system as the patient family might not assist the Caregiver. Working twenty-four hours a day is strenuous.

Yes, the Caregiver has chosen to do the work they do but if they are emotionally tired they will be of no assistance to anyone including their own family.

In Afrikaans, there is a saying, ‘Jy druk my in n blik,’ which means your space has been compressed to such a small size that you cannot move.

Caregivers that take care of a family member do not have it easy as they do not have choices. The Caregiver feels obligated to take care of the patient as the patient supports them financially.

When does the relationship become abusive in a sense? It becomes abusive when the patient verbally abuses the Caregiver. Even emotional abuse is abuse.

Once the Caregiver starts feeling lonely and excluded from the world, problems are created. The Caregiver starts to feel resentment and used. The patient needs to realise that without the Caregiver the situation can become difficult. When a Caregiver studies, they are told that they should not allow manipulation and being used by the patient and the family of the patient.

It is amazing how the family does not really care about the patient in some scenarios, but when they want to sound intelligent and voice their opinion they expect the Caregiver to bow down.

I have worked as a private Caregiver a few times and have met good and bad families. I think some family members have a guilty conscience so they decide they want to butt in the situation of the patient.

Yes, the family might be employing the Caregiver but that does not mean they can talk to you like they want. We are all human beings and we are all on different levels of life, there should not be an issue of rich or poor.

The Caregivers are sometimes seen as the bottom of the barrel but without us, a system can stand still. We are important to the recovery of a patient, we do the clean-up job if the hospital cannot assist. Do not undervalue your Caregiver as they sacrifice a lot for your health. They give up their lives and take your life as theirs. They hardly see their families.

This may seem like a complaint session but it is to shed light on the issues of some Caregivers. If you have a Caregiver, appreciate them. If they are very trustworthy you have a gem of a person. Be blessed and always take care of people as if they are your own loved ones.

Be Grateful

Written by Deborah Jordaan

Morning to all the wonderful readers. Hope you are all well. This morning, sitting in the PPT, public patient transport with my patient on our way to Johannesburg oncology department I felt terribly ill. I have come to the realisation that I am burning out. I heard about that condition when I was studying to become a career.

I work for the old age home and take care of my paraplegic partner at home. My patient that is with me today is an oncology patient. When I sit here I am abundantly grateful that I am somewhat healthy and can still take care of myself.

I look at all these patients and think how brave they are for fighting cancer every day, men and women alike. They look healthy but they aren`t. Their bodies are either being diagnosed, already assessed or they are here for a check up to make sure they are still in remission.

As I said in the beginning I might be ill today but I can recognise my problem but an oncology patient lives in the hope that their condition doesn`t worsen and spread to other parts of their bodies not knowing what will be next.

Cancer doesn`t choose race or age, it just happens. I will give all my time to assist my patient as she is not aware of her condition as it is not curable, it just gets worse. She smiles and lives her life where other people are constantly complaining about trivial nonsensical things.

Their hair needs to be done, nails need a manicure and who knows what other nonsensical things the human can complain about. Yet the cancer patient is grateful not to feel sick or be in treatment every other day. They lose a limb or breast but they are happy to be alive. They overcome their health issues because they have the motivation to be alive.

I have had family members pass on from cancer and it wasn`t pleasant to see them suffer days before dying.

A hospice is an amazing place. Yes people go there to die but they give you and your family peace of mind that it`s okay to die. The older you get it gets more difficult to keep having treatment for cancer as other factors start manifesting.

My uncle is over seventy years old and has decided he no longer wants to go for treatment. He says if it`s his time to pass he will not fight it. We as his family might think he is selfish or that he has lost motivation but we have no idea of his degree of pain or illness.

Us as family of the cancer patient must respect them and just be there when they need us. Be grateful that they are still alive and we can spend time with them because when they have passed we will have regret if we didn`t care enough or do enough.

In my parting words, just be grateful for whatever comes your way. The universe knows what they are doing. Yes a challenge isn’t what we want but its what we need to make us appreciate the small things in life.