Selfishness is the Word…….

Written by Deborah Jordaan

Good day to all the wonderful humans that read our stories, without our readers our words are in limbo but our readers embrace our talent. Thank you.

Today I am writing about the person that takes care of a patient. Whether it is a nurse or a family member the caretaker is sometimes taken for granted. The patient can be selfish and not consider the person taking care of them, they might also want to do things and go places but sometimes the Caregiver has no choice as they take care of the patient twenty-four hours a day.

The Caregiver can get lonely and feel like they are alone. The Caregiver also needs a support system as the patient family might not assist the Caregiver. Working twenty-four hours a day is strenuous.

Yes, the Caregiver has chosen to do the work they do but if they are emotionally tired they will be of no assistance to anyone including their own family.

In Afrikaans, there is a saying, ‘Jy druk my in n blik,’ which means your space has been compressed to such a small size that you cannot move.

Caregivers that take care of a family member do not have it easy as they do not have choices. The Caregiver feels obligated to take care of the patient as the patient supports them financially.

When does the relationship become abusive in a sense? It becomes abusive when the patient verbally abuses the Caregiver. Even emotional abuse is abuse.

Once the Caregiver starts feeling lonely and excluded from the world, problems are created. The Caregiver starts to feel resentment and used. The patient needs to realise that without the Caregiver the situation can become difficult. When a Caregiver studies, they are told that they should not allow manipulation and being used by the patient and the family of the patient.

It is amazing how the family does not really care about the patient in some scenarios, but when they want to sound intelligent and voice their opinion they expect the Caregiver to bow down.

I have worked as a private Caregiver a few times and have met good and bad families. I think some family members have a guilty conscience so they decide they want to butt in the situation of the patient.

Yes, the family might be employing the Caregiver but that does not mean they can talk to you like they want. We are all human beings and we are all on different levels of life, there should not be an issue of rich or poor.

The Caregivers are sometimes seen as the bottom of the barrel but without us, a system can stand still. We are important to the recovery of a patient, we do the clean-up job if the hospital cannot assist. Do not undervalue your Caregiver as they sacrifice a lot for your health. They give up their lives and take your life as theirs. They hardly see their families.

This may seem like a complaint session but it is to shed light on the issues of some Caregivers. If you have a Caregiver, appreciate them. If they are very trustworthy you have a gem of a person. Be blessed and always take care of people as if they are your own loved ones.

Selfish Humans

Written by Deborah Jordaan

Good day loyal readers I hope you are well and mother nature rains abundance upon you. This week I am writing about the selfish patient. As you all know I am a Carer and I take care of my partner. My partner is happiest when his needs are met but when I need to get to the little life I have he has opinions sometimes.

I am sympathetic and empathic to his needs but when I voice my needs and wants he has a few golden words of wisdom.

Some days I bite my tongue and just compose myself but then I get those moments where I think why am I doing this? I know I chose this life but I think how much more can I take?

Alone time to oneself is so important but us as Carers never get there, as we run the household work elsewhere and must still make time for children and grandchildren. I have decided a while back to go see a psychologist as when my mental state takes strain I have a place to go that sees to only my needs and it is a safe place where I can wind down and let go of my feelings.

My partner has children and extended family but as todays children are; they don`t come visit or offer to help but they also have so many suggestions. They never ask me how am I? Could they spend a day with him and give me some time to get to whatever I would like to do.

I know some people would say I can be lucky to have a partner as their loved ones have passed on and they are alone. I do practice gratefulness but there are times when I must also be selfish and find time to breathe and just be me.

I used to be a people pleaser but the mental mind tends to bring you back down to earth and slow you down and make you aware that you need self – care. I am always taking care of people but they have this notion that I magically have all the time in the world and will jump for them.

That is the selfish patient. Taking care of people is not about the money as the money you get paid can`t buy time off.

Men in general are very sensitive when they are sick, to me it is in their nature. Ladies whether sick or not just keep on going as we cannot cancel our life and say when we better we will get back to it.

I have my health issues and when I talk about them I get told that I am always sick. This coming from my partner who keeps me awake at night, no sleep for me. It is like having a baby all over except that this baby is not going to grow up and move out of the house.

So to the people men or women that are devoting their lives to those kind of people with partial selfishness, you will be losing yourself along your way and when you find yourself ill and need attention no one will be there for you.

Be blessed and take care of your mental mind.