Good day to our wonderful fan base. Have you been blessed this week? There will always be trying times no matter what we do or say. My article this week is inspired by my experiences with friends that have had challenges in their relationships and they confided in me in the hope that I could save their situation.
Unfortunately, I am not a fairy that can wave my wand and their lives are saved. I myself face challenges but from my personal problems, I find helping people in need to help me see how blessed I am.
Two of my female friends are facing abuse from their partners and children. Let us start at case number one, I would rather not mention names.
She is a mother of five. Her children are grown but the one daughter is mixing with the wrong crowd and has been abusing drugs for years. The daughter brings suspect people home to her mom’s house. She has a daughter of ten and expects my friend to take care of the child. The little girl has seen her own mother drugged up and stabbed by the drug addicts she brings home and no matter what my friend says her daughter will not listen.
My friend is abused physically and mentally by her daughter and my friend’s husband agrees with his daughter, which is so wrong. The daughter does not work and has never supported her little girl financially since birth. My friend is a wreck and the only thing she feels she can do is to sit in her room and cry all day in the hope tomorrow will be better. It is an absolute tragedy.
Case number two is of a woman I have met recently. I do not really know her life but the few conversations we have had has let me realise that she is struggling financially and she is trying her best to get some employment but with her personal challenges she cannot leave her six-year-old daughter by a sitter as she does not have the finances for after school care. She sent me a message and asked do I know where she can stay as her husband told her to leave.
They are sharing a bed with the six-year-old as they cannot afford to buy her a bed of her own and the husband is verbally abusive according to what I heard on the recordings she sent me.
My question to her was – how can he talk to her that way with the child in the bed. He was talking of very personal intimate issues and he sounded intoxicated. Today I asked her how she is doing and she said they had discussed the issues and it is sorted. Obviously, she had to succumb to him as she and her daughter have nowhere to go.
This is a common scenario in today’s households whether it be a man or woman that is being abused. I myself was abused for years but I found a way out which was also not the best but I am grateful for where I am now.
I wish I can help all these people find a way out but all I can do is listen and give as much advice as I can and also give them avenues they can explore. It’s their choice if they stay or try to get help from professionals. There is help out there they just have to keep asking till the right person listens.
The perfect wife, doting mother, supportive friend, gracious hostess, always smiling – that is how most people described Jodie. Very few knew that her beautiful smile hid a painful secret. She was dying. Not of a physical illness, but a dis-ease of the mind that was slowly robbing her of joy and purpose.
The shrill tone of the alarm pierced through her dream. Jodie reached over and hit ‘Snooze’. “Five more minutes,” she thought to herself. The alarm jarred her sleep again. “Why don’t you turn that damn thing off if you are not going to wake up when it rings!!” barked her husband, Reese. Cursing silently, she rolled out of bed and into the bathroom. Looking into the mirror, she wondered, “Where have the last 20 years gone? Where was the zeal, energy and passion I had at university?” She splashed cold water onto her face as if to wash away the unwelcome thoughts. As she dressed, each piece of clothing, each layer of make-up served as her armour, preparing her for the day’s battles. The finishing touch was the lipsticked smile. Jodie looked at her reflection, pleased by what she saw, and said to no-one in particular, “Let this be a good day.”
Her two children, 10-year old Sarah and 13-year old Joshua were extra slow that morning, having only got to bed at 10 after completing their schoolwork. It still added to her frustration though and she scolded, “If we don’t leave in the next five minutes, you are going to be late for school. Then you can explain to Mr Steyn why you are late!” They sped up whatever they were doing silently, knowing that it was best not to argue with mom when she was in “one of her moods.” By the time, they arrived at school, Jodie had calmed down a little and feeling guilty, she gave them each a quick hug, saying, “I’m sorry. You know I love you, right?”
The conversation at the school gate revolved around the same issues – too much homework, lack of motivation, too much screen time, and their hectic lives and what to cook for supper. Even though it was reassuring to know that other moms shared the same problems, Jodie’s insecurity still raised its ugly head. “What am I doing wrong? Why are my kids just average and not excelling at anything? Have I done enough to encourage their talents or is it too little? Leaving work to be at home with them hasn’t seemed to make any difference.” Once again, there was no stopping that nagging voice once it started.
En-route to her car, Jodie suddenly stumbled, feeling faint, then felt herself falling as everything went black. When she came to, her friend Laura was at her side, a concerned expression on her face. “Hey, you scared us when you toppled over like that. How are you feeling?”
“Weak…… a little confused…….. Don’t know what happened, “she said, the metallic taste of blood on her tongue.“
“Don’t try and get up, “said Laura, “We’ve called for an ambulance and Reese is on his way.”
The paramedics checked her vitals when they arrived. Her blood pressure was 80/60 which is why she had fainted. She had a split lip from knocking it against the gate as she fell. However, she would have to be taken to the hospital for observation and x-rays to determine if there were any other injuries. Reese arrived just as they were placing her in the ambulance.
“The kids……” she muttered.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything,” Reese assured her.
Thankfully, there were no other injuries but Jodie would have to remain in the hospital for a few days for an MRI and other tests. Initially, she was concerned about the children and how they were coping without her, but relaxed when she saw that her mum and Reese had everything under control. Not used to doing nothing, she used the time between tests, the prodding and pricking, to catch up on her reading, complete a knitting project and plan for the following week.
One morning, she picked up her diary and pen with the intention of compiling her “To-Do” list. She went no further than the date. Her hand began moving across the page as if it was being controlled by another force. A picture began to take shape. Minutes passed, as she drew, unaware of her surroundings. When she finally put down her pen, she felt spent, as if she had finished an intense workout.
Putting her pen aside, she focussed on the drawing. It was a little girl, curled up on the floor, crying. She was alone, surrounded by a protective shield. Around the shield were arrows being hurled at her and bouncing off the shield.
“THIS IS ME,” she thought. As the tears welled up, Jodie went to hide in the bathroom, trying to stifle and mute the sobs that racked through her body. Returning to her bed, she began to write. Every sentence helped her understand. With each sentence, she could feel a part of her protective shield breaking away.
After all the tests, the diagnosis was that she was stressed. The doctor gave her recommendations and suggested a psychologist help her manage her stress levels. Jodie smiled inwardly because she’d understood the message delivered with this incident and received the guidance she needed to start the healing process.
Good day to the readers. I’m hoping you are all well in these trying times we find ourselves in. The article i will be writing of today is about women and the different levels of society we find ourselves in.
We get the hard working woman who no matter her affluence still works for what she has. On the other hand we have the deserving narcissistic woman who thinks that the world needs to bow down to her as she need not work for anything. Everything I write about comes from actual case studies. I ,in no way want to offend anyone at all but I would like to celebrate the female and her ways she copes and uses her cunning and manipulative ways to get her where she needs to be.
My first story is on an affluent lady. From birth she had a silver spoon in her mouth. Had the rich parents. Molly coddled to the ends of the earth but the mother didn’t make her life easy as her dad doted on her and whatever she wanted she got. That came at a price though. Her dad was an alcoholic and so eventually she would be the one pouring he’s drinks at a young age and sometimes helping him to bed as her mother was not accomodating -because of the fathers affairs she really didn’t care as long as she had the high life -she was happy. The father was a famous attorney so they lived the life till the day he walked out on them but they still had financial stability. As the years went by the young woman became a ballerina -went to art school because her father had the means to provide her with the money for all her wants. That in a way made her feel deserving of only good things. She didn’t know what normal people lived like. They had maids. Butler. In her mind everyone lived like that. As she grew up, moved and a divorce later she became a dancing instructor by day and prostitute by night – alcohol had became a big part of her life. Where was her stature then? She had hinted a few times to me quite subtly that abuse from her father perhaps or other men had damaged her. Explaining the alcohol abuse. Prostitution? Only she will know why she did that.
She met her second husband at dance class. He didn’t come from money, he worked hard for what he had. At the time they met he hadn’t realised she was an alcoholic. She put on quite a show to catch him as at that time she was struggling. Her three children had been removed from her custody, so a rich man was her way out. They married and had three children of their own but her drinking escalated. Money didn’t buy happiness and didn’t keep her husband faithful. Same scenario as her mother except she was the alcoholic. Her father taught her well. On her 50th birthday her husband told her to leave as she was in and out of rehabillitation centres and he was looking after he’s sons with two maids in her presence and a driver for the children as she was drunk most of the time so she wasn’t needed. He still took care of her financially and sometimes she did her wifely duties even though he was with someone else. He eventually met someone that got him on the straight road to a normal relationship even though the two are still married as divorcing would cost both a great loss of money. She lives separately on their property to him and he’s current partner and has still got the princess mentality as I call it, hoping if she does what’s expected he will take her back as he has done many times before. She will suffer before she decides for herself that no money is worth the situation she is living in now. So to me she is suffering a form of abuse from him and he has suffered abuse from her when she couldn’t be a mother and wife. So both her father and the husband molly coddled her to the point that she did’nt know any better and still does’nt. She just accepts circumstances as long as money and stature are involved. She has no work experience except dancing as being privileged she never really needed to work, only when it was really necessary and that was a few years of dance classes. She now has some money of her own but tells her husband her name is on the marriage certificate so he will pay her even though they have been separated for twelve years.
Can’t we all just sit back and expect to be deserving – though we do nothing for it? My next story is of the hard working mother whether she is single or with someone. This woman knows nothing but work whether it be at home or physically going to work, from an executive to a prostitute. They can’t be judged. All they know is to survive and sometimes they still have the bad luck of either living with or seeing someone that is abusive to them. This woman sometimes has no choice in her mind. She takes the abuse for the childrens sake so they can have a roof over their heads. In the end it comes at a high price. The woman is damaged – needs therapy. The children grow up expecting the same from life but luckily some children break their mothers curse and live successful lives. The hard working woman feels there is no way out but there is if she would stop and think her plan through. Yes leaving an abusive situation might hurt her financially but in the end her and her children will start to heal when away from the bad situation.
Us woman must think who our elders were and what they had to go through to survive. We need to pick ourselves up and be strong. Yes sometimes it seems so hopeless but I’m a survivor of being raped by my husband and being told I can’t do anything as we are married. My situation damaged my children but we made it. Seventeen long years of abuse. rape, being beaten and mental abuse came to an end by my own courage. It was’nt easy after the divorce either as I really suffered mentally. I self mutilated, tried to hang myself and overdosed with my medicine more times than I can imagine but I made it. Fifteen years of therapy and still going strong. I even have the empathy in me to phone my ex husband sometimes and ask how he is doing as he’s health is not good. If I did’nt heal I would have wished him dead. I want to show my daughters there is life after abuse. I didn’t know what molly coddling was growing up or in a relationship so next time you ladies want to complain about not being able to do your nails or hair and that the maid didn’t come in today – think of that poor woman suffering just to get by mentally because of her situation. Lets stand together as women and be supportive no matter what your stature is. We all fight battles and with support we can overcome -then maybe these killings of women will come to an end too. Stand together and fight. If you set aside stature, race and ego we can do great things among us women.
The views expressed in my story aren’t aimed at a specific person it’s just things I hear and of course personal experience. Hopefully by reading this I’m helping someone find the courage to stand up and say ,”ENOUGH!”